Monday, June 21, 2010


Its the fear we have that haunts us everyday of our lives. Its the scary feeling deep inside you that keeps u alert, telling u to always keep an eye on everything. Its that fear that pulls you back from moving forward, walking towards your desires. Its all fear!

I fear moving forward. Knowing that nothing is clear in the future, nothing is visible enough to be expected, actually kills me. Waking up everyday not knowing what to do, or where to start is really very scary. I want to know what i am supposed to do, or where i'm supposed to start. I want to know what i'm going to face, what lies before me and what i must achieve. I want to know, but sadly i cant, cause everything is up to me, i have to draw on the canvas on my own, i have to paint my own 'pretty picture'. And that scares me, down to my bones.

I want to love, and i want to be loved. I want to feel every little care and experience every little sweet moments of life. I wanna know how blissful feels like, and i want to know how great it is to love. I want to be wanted, they way i want everyone around me, i want to be cherished, as much as i cherish everyone around me, and i want to be respected they way i respect all those around me. Just same, nothing more, merely just the same. But that fears me too, i fear moving up to someone, just kills me knowing what is truly going through their minds. Yes, i care a damn, but i wanna care, cause i actually used to care. I feel like i've lost myself, or maybe i'm just restraining myself, or maybe i am just so feeling-less now!

I just dont know... all i know is that i fear.. fear everything that stands right in front of me, and everything that is yet to come to me, everything the future holds..

i am scared, but i have every bit of guts to face it all..

the last thing you should have in mind, is that i'm a coward!

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