Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Stages in Friendship~

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with the dork of the class.

Forever Friends

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten about.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went with you to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
gave you rides in their new car,
convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded,
consoled you when you broke up with your significant other
and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
helped you pick out a college,
assured you that you would get into that college,
helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go.

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
Helped you clean up from that party.
Helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents.
Assured you that now that your significant other were back together, you could make it through anything.
Helped you pack up for college and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind.
And finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to come over and send you off with a hug, a lot of memories and reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years.
But most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who
Gives you the better of the two choices.
Holds your hand when you're scared.
Helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you.
Thinks of you at times when you are not there.
Reminds you of what you have forgotten.
Helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer.
Stays with you so that you have confidence.
Goes out of their way to make time for you.
Helps you clear up your mistakes.
Helps you deal with pressure from others.
Smiles for you when they are sad.
Helps you become a better person.
However most importantly loves you!

Monday, June 21, 2010

*F.E.A.R*

Its the fear we have that haunts us everyday of our lives. Its the scary feeling deep inside you that keeps u alert, telling u to always keep an eye on everything. Its that fear that pulls you back from moving forward, walking towards your desires. Its all fear!

I fear moving forward. Knowing that nothing is clear in the future, nothing is visible enough to be expected, actually kills me. Waking up everyday not knowing what to do, or where to start is really very scary. I want to know what i am supposed to do, or where i'm supposed to start. I want to know what i'm going to face, what lies before me and what i must achieve. I want to know, but sadly i cant, cause everything is up to me, i have to draw on the canvas on my own, i have to paint my own 'pretty picture'. And that scares me, down to my bones.

I want to love, and i want to be loved. I want to feel every little care and experience every little sweet moments of life. I wanna know how blissful feels like, and i want to know how great it is to love. I want to be wanted, they way i want everyone around me, i want to be cherished, as much as i cherish everyone around me, and i want to be respected they way i respect all those around me. Just same, nothing more, merely just the same. But that fears me too, i fear moving up to someone, just kills me knowing what is truly going through their minds. Yes, i care a damn, but i wanna care, cause i actually used to care. I feel like i've lost myself, or maybe i'm just restraining myself, or maybe i am just so feeling-less now!

I just dont know... all i know is that i fear.. fear everything that stands right in front of me, and everything that is yet to come to me, everything the future holds..

i am scared, but i have every bit of guts to face it all..

the last thing you should have in mind, is that i'm a coward!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

When things can't be changed...

Today marks a very important day in my life. It marked the end of a 3 year struggle and a start towards something more challenging and exciting. Also nerve-wrecking for some reason. But the most important thing of all is that it is a day to be shared with loved ones. My struggle was something really subjective, would never mean the same to anyone, neither will anyone have any idea how much effort, or how much was gained out of it. It was entirely up to me to define it. But i think i myself wont be able to write out a perfect definition to this 3 years that I've faced.

Today was a day filled with mixed emotions. I was given a fair share of every emotion at one go: happiness, sadness, frustration, regrets, heart-broken...

It was meant to be a day to be shared with everyone who has been with me through life, or maybe through this 3 years, but sadly, i shared it finally only with 2 people who mean the world to me: mum and dad. I miss those times, especially during my STPM results day, friends rushing, wanting to know how u did, even without perfect scores, u cherish every little bit of it, and u hear congratulations, the first word that comes out from every friend u have in ur circle. Its wonderful, with the minimum amount of jealousy and hatred, its honest and very innocent of us all.

But things have changed. In a mere 3 years i have realised that the way to the top is lonely. You can see many people with various backgrounds acting very differently to a particular situation. My dad always reminded me: In order to climb a mountain, it will take a lot of pain, a lot of courage, a lot of emotional restrain. Its important to keep your goal right in front of u, and never to break down due to external disturbance.

The man who climbed mount everest. So many injured, so many just fell off, many just died on the spot... but yet he continued, yes it may seem selfish as proabably he didn't stop to help, but its only due to that little struggle he managed to climb up to the top. Honestly, its not about being selfish. Its about having a goal. Yes, he climbed and he saw many failing through, but u must appreciate his effort, its like fighting through the odds, fighting through something that was virtually impossible.

The world is no longer a peaceful land. Everyone thinks of him/herself, and there is no one who is genuinely thinking about you, except for your beloved parents. For some reason, they may not be the type to show u love, but they have all the hope and dream and courage to fight through everything just to make sure you get and achieve the best.

Good is no longer appreciated. A friend in need is no longer a friend in deed. And Life is no longer as beautiful as it seems. Its not degrading, its just me being totally honest and totally genuine about the current situation. Yes, it is the fight of the century, and only the fittest wins. Though love is more valuable than money, money talks these days and some say money can even buy love. So moral of the story: Nothing is gained entirely, and every gain never stays for eternity. In order to gain you must be ready to loose, and in order to loose, you must be prepared for the worst circumstances. Its not being pessimistic, its just about watching your back. Once stabbed, it may heal, but consecutive stabbing may cause life, and life is ours entirely and not for some fool to come and take it from us.

No i am not pissed, i am frustrated cause we are living in a world where nothing is every appreciated, and everything is taken for granted.

Wake up people, i think its a time for change!