Sunday, September 06, 2009

Failure~

Here i am sitting in this rather messy lab, figuring out how i should complete the final year project. Mistakes, and failures, just come in and out, disrupting every little dream and aspiration i have to complete this project, the "decider" of my degree!


One sample after the other, i check and manipulate, hoping to achieve a desired result. But, somewhere along the way, a problem arises, pulling me back to the start line, forcing me to repeat the race towards the finish. I have been pulled back for 3 times, now I'm moving onto my fourth. The stamina as usual decreases with time, as anxiety and tiredness sets in, sucking up all the little energy that is left in this body of mine.


Losing a sample, or losing a data in this research analysis, proves to me, how much we humans strive for a life without a loss. The fear of losing or failing, is huge, making us cowards to even take risks. The irony is that, life only evolves with a loss or failure. The change only sets in when something is deviated from the normal, stable state.


Now i come to life. Being a kid, losing an eraser, or lunch box, or even your pencil, puts a grumpy and unfriendly, stern look on the face, demanding for fairness, demanding for it to be returned. Why? Because at home, stands two "villains" who would never forgive and will entirely blame the situation on you. Yes, there's mummy and daddy, the "villains" that never mean harm, and always shed love on us! And the marks on out butts, or the little red patches on our hands and legs are just another, unfavorable approach to showing love.


Next, as you grow, you lose more. This covers various aspects, studies, friends, family. I struggled with keeping up my grades. Its as if, if you score lower, you're the loser; and me being a total mediocre student, i was always the moderate scoring one, neither on top, nor too low at the bottom. It was hard for me, as my parents always had high hopes on me. I scraped through my major exams, but trust me, i'm still as mediocre as i was last time.

Friends, another important element in our lives. I can remember my kindergarden friends, even right up to those i only met yesterday. Some are still in contact with me, some are not. Some are near, some just a few steps away, some can't even be identified his/her location. Some are close, and some have grown further apart. Either way, we have all learnt a thing or two from our friends, because memories of good times, and the moral behind every negative incident still remains in our hearts. Everything happens for a reason, but no reason explains the true and absolute meaning of friendship. Cherish them while their with you, and reminiscent after~ People walk in and out of our lives, but friends always leave footsteps. I remember a poem that actually made me shed a tear or two:


My Friend

My Friend when I think of you.
I think of all that we've been through.
All the times we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I, then feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I love you dear friend with all of my heart.
But now that you're gone I've fallen apart.
I'm getting better as the days go by.
I wish sometimes this was all a big lie.
I pray to you every night.
It's like you're my fire, a burning light.
My dear friend, I miss you alot.
I still wonder why you were put in that spot.
I know you're in a place much better than here.
Watching and helping me with all of my fear.
Our friendship my dear friend,
we will have to the end.
Friends til the end is what we will be.
Someday we'll be together,
together you and me.


ps: Can't quite remember the link though~ sorry :(


Then there is family. Expectations are the core. Every parent has a dream for his/her child. And as children we play an important role, in making our best towards achieving their dreams. I know, some say "its our life, we should choose and do what we like", but the truth is that we owe this life to the two souls who brought us here. It was their choice and decision to give us a chance to live, and right up to the end, we owe them something that cannot be repayed for eternity, and that is LIFE. They gave us everything that allows us to breathe, feel, touch, see and smell today. Okay, i know am being too over the top, but the truth is that how much i owe them. The ability to live life itself, its a gift from them, and no matter what happens, deep down, whether in pain, sorrow or absolute happiness, i know i will cherish this gift, the gift of life. Ok, now back to our topic. We know the cycle of life, it has a start and an end. We're all aware of this fact, but we're never strong enough to accept it, especially when it involves our loved ones. Some people experience this in their early childhood, some when they're grown adults, either way, we still cry and wish it never happened. Well, its the DOGMA of life.... something we must always surrender to.

"Never take a person for granted, hold everyone close to your heart cause you may wake up one day and realise that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."


MuNnA~


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