Friday, November 27, 2009

.:The signs of Life:.

While walking up a steep mountain, she realized, that life is but a struggle. The amount of energy and work you put in just to reach the top shows many important traits in a person: perseverance, determination, hard work, courage and strength. The main aim: To reach the top, To be able to see what has yet to be seen, and To be able to hold victory in our hands. That's my goal, that's our goal~

But during that struggle, one fails to realize the outcome, the resulting effect, the after story; Going up that mountain will bring you happiness that was never there at the bottom. Going up the mountain will show you a beautiful ever after story, that'd you'd want to see and cherish for the rest of your life.

When you reach the top, thats when the eager feeling in you starts taking over. You look to the right, and also to the left, hoping to see that "Big" gift, the gift you struggled for. Yes, most of the time, you'll be delighted, but sometimes, it may just seem like there is nothing. Nothing to be looked at, nothing to be remembered, just another ordinary scenery. You might even think, the struggle wasn't even worth it.

In life we may not always get what we want,
We may not always get what we need,
But we get what we deserve,
Cause God, in some way or another,
Gives us only the best~

.:By J:.

But sometimes, when you feel like you've not got what u deserve, or what you actually want, it may seem like the end of the world. You might want to give up. The worry of not being to achieve kills you, breaking down every little self-esteem embedded in you. You might feel like packing your bags and leaving, or even just trying another route/road not taken in life. Sorrow fills the air, something you'd wish never happened. But we fail to realise, what we have today, and what we experience today, regardless of how fruitful it is, it may contribute in some way or another in the future~

Life is only travelled once,
Todays moment becomes tomorrows memory,
Enjoy every moment, whether good or bad,
Cause the gift of life is "Life" itself~

.:By D:.

No man can live in a lonely island. No man can survive on his own. This is when relations come in handy. Whether he's your friend, you family, your lover, a third party, or a total stranger, all human beings link in some way or another. In life, you come across many different beings, some being over the top, some bearly realise their ability. Some fly high in the sky, whereas some choose to take a stroll down the park. Some prefer black, some just love the pure white. Regardless of what people choose or how they are, they're people, and someday in our lives we will have to associate ourselves with them. Some relations make you glad, some make you cry. Either way, their relations, some what related to you, whether you like it or not.

Never cry for any relation in life,
Cause the person you cry for,
Does not deserve your tears,
And the one who deserves,
Never makes you cry~

.:By D:.


100 words does not give pain,
But a true friend's silence,
Makes more tears in heart.

.:By J:.

So whats the verdict?

When you truly care for someone,
You dont look for faults;
You dont look for mistakes;
Instead you fight the mistakes,
You accept the faults,
And you overlook the excuses.
Thats Life!

.:By D:.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

.:~The irony of Life~:.

A gloomy day, marks an end of a rather eventful and challenging season. Its time to clear things out, to make things in order, to prepare for another new season, hopefully, its a brighter and more cheerful day.

People say a thousand things, sometimes language is a barrier, sometimes its the expression when things are said that we never seem to understand, sometimes, its just the way we comprehend things, always only sticking to our believes and never opening up. This difference is what brings to the other elements of life, happiness, friendship, love, conflict, heart ship, hatred, and so on. God is great! He created us to have an opinion, to have likes and dislikes, to like and hate, and finally, the rest just falls in place. We say we like, and the other may say otherwise, and at the end, a conflict arises. Ironic huh?

Many of us are victims of situations. We never mean anything, but its taken the other way. Its like being accused for a crime that you never commited. This brought me to the thought: Have you ever imagined how many innocent people are actually paying the price to a crime they never commited? They got "trapped" between the walls of laws and justice, but nothing was on their side. Sad, but that's life. Nothing is fair, nothing is forever ours, Nothing is permanent.

As human beings, we're always played by situations and incidents. When we see something nice and inviting, we tend to forget ourselves, excitement takes over, and you bearly have control over anything. You'd just surrender to the moment, and wish it wont end. But then again, nothing lasts for eternity~ Then when the dark clouds dominate the sky, we realise, that the end is here. We run for our lives, we chase after the light, hoping to just blend in with it and never to see darkness again. But eventually, we loose, and we've to prepare to face the worst. Some cry, some whine, some throw tantrums, some just stay silent. That's when we say grace, we hope that someone or something will come and take us away from this dreadful experience. That's when we realise, that life is never the expected. Its the unexpected that makes life what it truly is.

Many things are unexpected. Many things are worth a thousand explanations, but sadly no one is here to listen. Everyone is just so busy with their part of life, that there is no one willing enough to hear your cries and whines. Thats life. You can never entirely blame them for not taking any form of care towards you, cause regardless of how much u do for the world today, no one will appreciate it, you're only approached when needed, then left alone when you're not.
But we must always take a moment to think, and show minimum appreciation as possible, to those who actually care, those who actually help us and guide us, cause these people, whether good or bad, whether rich or poor, they are your well-wishers. They may not be with you always, they may not even talk to you daily, you may not even see them, but they're there, hoping and wishing for your success. Those are simple human beings too, and all they wish for is a simple smile on your face. I know a few people who are like that, they make life blissful.
Many things may have happened, Many incidents may have broken hearts, Many occurence may have brought bitterness, But someday, this will all be remembered in life, and then someday we will miss the sweetness. When that day comes, never hesitate to approach, cause you'll be surprised to see, what a great relationship you were about to loose......
“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”
“Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”
“Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”

Friday, November 20, 2009

Spilling my guts~

So here i am, back to where i was before a two week exam that basically brought my self-esteem down, and tortured me with no sleep! huhuhu...:( But now, its time to kick the books out of the window(i respect my books, and i wouldnt do that really) and its time to party. The only catch is that, my party starts in this room, its a huge room, with large, long desks. You come in, and all you'll see is glassware and scientific apparatus! Yes, its Lab 318! The place i spent most of my time this season(referring to this semester):P and now, i'm at the climax, the top of the roller coaster, hoping to finish this rather interesting and unique journey, called the "Final Year Project"!

Besides that, I have nothing much installed for this month. Its supposed to be our semester break, but since we're all "Final Year Students" and we have our so famous "Final Year Project", we're all stuck here in uni! I know, uni isn't a bad place afterall, especially when you're talking about freedom to wonder around penang, which i have yet to do although i've been here for more than 2 years :P But its never too late to start no? :P I'm hoping to have a project-filled as well as a fun-filled holiday, although my dooms day will come in 3-4 weeks time, yes its the results... haih. Its so ironic, how you can think of fun and happiness at one point, then totally get gloomy and worried the next! Ok, i have decided not to be too philosophical since many are so against it:P which i know is due to pure jealousy! muahahaha.. ok.. yea.. shoot me, i need a break!

So many people 'balik kampung' today! My kampung is coming to me:P hahaha.. that sounded weird, but my folks are coming today! woohoo! Its time for some loving and cheerful time, since i miss them lotz! i mean loadz! wait, which is more? lots or loadz?

So have a great week everyone!

Lots of Love,

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

.:The cries of a victim:.

As I sit here thinking about the events that have taken place in my life recently, I only seem to shed tears, It starts of so beautiful and exciting, and then it reaches a stage where I stand numb, wishing if I had another path, another route, the path not taken. Then I jump back to reality, realizing that even if there was a “road not taken”; I can never change what has already happened. Thunder storms, sadness and disappointments then surround the issue or event. Then I realize, and tell myself, that marks the end.

It is so ironic, when something nice and beautiful, something like a brightly lighted hall with coloured fluorescent lights, or maybe the morning shine, blazing through your room window, can just change, become dark and so uninviting in just a split second, or maybe in an hour, a day, or even a few years. It’s as if you’ve planned to spend the night out in the gardens, you put your tent on, prepare a wonderful picnic, watch the stars shine bright with the moon smiling at you; and then all of a sudden, a storm hits and destroys the situation, including the person’s happiness. Its sad, disappointing and very heart breaking, but thats life no? What is life without disappointments and failures, what is life without hardship and sadness?

In a period of 6 months or so, I have learnt so many things. It involves a wide range of attributes; but very challenging ones: trust, betrayals, heart-break, discrimination and insults.

Loneliness surrounds me nowadays. It’s a very gloomy and discomforting condition. Life alone is hard, especially when its new to you, and you’ve always been surrounded by loving and caring people who constantly provide attention and support to you. Its painful, when no one cares about your whereabouts, your upcoming agendas, your struggles, your pain, why, even little things matter; like if you’ve had your meal or if you’re healing from an intense condition. I learnt it the hard way, cold shoulders and staring eyes with no words, just stares, that make you think of a thousand and one reasons, but never get an exact answer. I learnt it the hard way, but I’m surviving. Surviving through this hard period, wishing for my silver lining to appear. Call me traditional, or even childish for the matter, but this is me, I expect nothing, not gifts, money or gold; I wish for a simple “Hi. How are you?”or just an “All the best”. I’ve learnt to ignore not being acknowledged, or even smiled at, but it hurts when all I seek for is closure.

Deep inside me, it kills to know what others have in mind. Cause I think all that has happened was a misunderstanding, or a misperception of situations and incidents. From the bottom of my heart, I never meant any harm. I never failed to pray for good, to pray for happiness of the people around me, to pray for their success. I shared everything, from the slightest understanding in a particular subject to the newest discovery on the internet. Everything I did open heartedly, but it stabs me hard to not know why I am no longer associated with.

But I know, this situation brings happiness to the other end, and I am aware, a lost place will never return, and yes, I will never stop crying, but someday we’ll learn a great lesson from this, and maybe then, I wont be a victim of situation and be accused for it again~

Saturday, October 03, 2009


Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan, 'Press on,' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding.
Kahlil Gibran
Friends are an aid to the young,
to guard them from error;
to the elderly,
to attend to their wants and to supplement their failing power of action;
to those in the prime of life,
to assist them to noble deeds.
There are two ways to create happiness.
The first is external. By obtaining better shelter, better clothes, and better friends, we can find a certain measure of happiness and satisfaction.
The second is through mental development, which yields inner happiness.
The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; t
o an opponent, tolerance;
to a friend, your heart;
to your child, a good example;
to a father, deference;
to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you;
to yourself, respect;
to all men, charity.
To fall in love is easy,
even to remain in it is not difficult;
our human loneliness is cause enough.
But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade
through whose steady presence one becomes steadily
the person one desires to be.
Anna Louise Strong
People become really quite remarkable
when they start thinking that they can do things.
When they believe in themselves
they have the first secret of success.
Norman Vincent Peale

Sunday, September 06, 2009


Here i am sitting in this rather messy lab, figuring out how i should complete the final year project. Mistakes, and failures, just come in and out, disrupting every little dream and aspiration i have to complete this project, the "decider" of my degree!

One sample after the other, i check and manipulate, hoping to achieve a desired result. But, somewhere along the way, a problem arises, pulling me back to the start line, forcing me to repeat the race towards the finish. I have been pulled back for 3 times, now I'm moving onto my fourth. The stamina as usual decreases with time, as anxiety and tiredness sets in, sucking up all the little energy that is left in this body of mine.

Losing a sample, or losing a data in this research analysis, proves to me, how much we humans strive for a life without a loss. The fear of losing or failing, is huge, making us cowards to even take risks. The irony is that, life only evolves with a loss or failure. The change only sets in when something is deviated from the normal, stable state.

Now i come to life. Being a kid, losing an eraser, or lunch box, or even your pencil, puts a grumpy and unfriendly, stern look on the face, demanding for fairness, demanding for it to be returned. Why? Because at home, stands two "villains" who would never forgive and will entirely blame the situation on you. Yes, there's mummy and daddy, the "villains" that never mean harm, and always shed love on us! And the marks on out butts, or the little red patches on our hands and legs are just another, unfavorable approach to showing love.

Next, as you grow, you lose more. This covers various aspects, studies, friends, family. I struggled with keeping up my grades. Its as if, if you score lower, you're the loser; and me being a total mediocre student, i was always the moderate scoring one, neither on top, nor too low at the bottom. It was hard for me, as my parents always had high hopes on me. I scraped through my major exams, but trust me, i'm still as mediocre as i was last time.

Friends, another important element in our lives. I can remember my kindergarden friends, even right up to those i only met yesterday. Some are still in contact with me, some are not. Some are near, some just a few steps away, some can't even be identified his/her location. Some are close, and some have grown further apart. Either way, we have all learnt a thing or two from our friends, because memories of good times, and the moral behind every negative incident still remains in our hearts. Everything happens for a reason, but no reason explains the true and absolute meaning of friendship. Cherish them while their with you, and reminiscent after~ People walk in and out of our lives, but friends always leave footsteps. I remember a poem that actually made me shed a tear or two:

My Friend

My Friend when I think of you.
I think of all that we've been through.
All the times we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I, then feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I love you dear friend with all of my heart.
But now that you're gone I've fallen apart.
I'm getting better as the days go by.
I wish sometimes this was all a big lie.
I pray to you every night.
It's like you're my fire, a burning light.
My dear friend, I miss you alot.
I still wonder why you were put in that spot.
I know you're in a place much better than here.
Watching and helping me with all of my fear.
Our friendship my dear friend,
we will have to the end.
Friends til the end is what we will be.
Someday we'll be together,
together you and me.

ps: Can't quite remember the link though~ sorry :(

Then there is family. Expectations are the core. Every parent has a dream for his/her child. And as children we play an important role, in making our best towards achieving their dreams. I know, some say "its our life, we should choose and do what we like", but the truth is that we owe this life to the two souls who brought us here. It was their choice and decision to give us a chance to live, and right up to the end, we owe them something that cannot be repayed for eternity, and that is LIFE. They gave us everything that allows us to breathe, feel, touch, see and smell today. Okay, i know am being too over the top, but the truth is that how much i owe them. The ability to live life itself, its a gift from them, and no matter what happens, deep down, whether in pain, sorrow or absolute happiness, i know i will cherish this gift, the gift of life. Ok, now back to our topic. We know the cycle of life, it has a start and an end. We're all aware of this fact, but we're never strong enough to accept it, especially when it involves our loved ones. Some people experience this in their early childhood, some when they're grown adults, either way, we still cry and wish it never happened. Well, its the DOGMA of life.... something we must always surrender to.

"Never take a person for granted, hold everyone close to your heart cause you may wake up one day and realise that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Battle of Life~

I am nor writer or book publisher, but being a young adult and seeing the people around me, I have gained a thing or two about the game of “Life”.

As a new born baby, the struggle was communication. I think there were many times when my mum misinterpreted what I wanted. I cried for milk, and she thought I wanted to sleep. But the irony is that, as time when by, she understood me better, and I became much happier. Note: I am the first child, so she’s entitled to her mistakes :P Thanks mummy!

Then we step into kindergarten. We come across so many other children, about our age and size, who just love running around crazily. The games we played… I think hide and seek was out favourite. Just running would make our day. I remembered my kindergarten, it was Tadika Rasa Sayang. And that was where I learnt the traditional Kadazan dance. The struggle at this age, was convincing parents to get the things we love. It’s a tough battle, trust me, but once u get it, you’ll never deny, your parents are the best!

Then there was primary school. It was easy making friends in the kindergarten, cause the teachers made us carry out activities as groups and that made us closer. But primary school was tough. The battle was: getting good friends and being in the “popular” group. Yes, in every class, there will be this group, regardless of what they do, good or bad, they’re always looked up to. And yes, they choose their members, making it hard to penetrate into! If you’re in you’re cool, and if not, its just too bad! LOSER! I faced this, and I think many of us did. One day we’re friends, the next day we’re not. Why? Cause she stole my eraser!

Then we start growing, into more “mature” beings. Apparently, once we step into secondary school, we’re “BIG” girls and boys! I was supposed to be the “Big” sister, which I hated for some reason, cause my brother made me go into the boy’s toilet! Long story, I will load the details later! Anyway, the battle was proving a point. I think it was difficult to make a statement, or to gain one’s trust and belief. Yes, you feel all mature, you analyze your responsibilities and tasks well, but people around you still tend to doubt your ability. It’s proving to them that took the most time. Yes, adults will forever think they’re the best, but I think its children in this age that come up with great ideas~ :P

Then, we become young adults. Some choose to study (get into university, obtain degrees/masters) whereas some start working. Either way, both category starts facing life like any other ordinary adult, dealing with finance, setting our goals and aspirations, having commitments, and this is when we take lots of risks, in order to achieve our goals. Risks in this context, refers to those that might eventually contribute to our future, that includes starting a business and applying for loans. At this point of time, I realized that, as a young adult, we think far more than what our parents or friends have in mind. Everything seems to impact us, in come way or another. The struggle in this age is being absolutely grateful and happy with what we have. Its hard to strike this, cause we tend to want the best and we only do the best. It must be beneficial, yet it shouldn’t cost much, whether it involves effort or money, or even time. Nothing is enough!

Then I see adulthood in the eyes of the people around me. I recall my parents first. It reminds me of the little incidents that made them worried as parents and as adults. Financial was an issue. Money seems to be everything in this modern world, and it’s clear that with money, people tend to be happier. Then there is the health issue. Regardless of how cautious or healthy their lifestyle is, something just tends to set in, and most of the time it’s due to their age and stress. Basically, the struggle here, is to live a fulfilled life, providing the best needs for children and loved ones. Then eventually, when their children grow up, the struggle is letting them go, allowing them to spread their wings and stand entirely on their own two feet. Its saddening, but it’s the norm of life, the cycle, in which every parent would want their children to complete.

So basically, at the end of the day, we struggle to keep ourselves alive in some way or another. Whether it be health problems, financial problems or even social issues, we all strive to make it okay, make it heal with time, so that we’d live a happier life. We are all dependent on one another, so when deciding on a solution, it must be in our best interest, as well as the interest of our loved ones. Life is a struggle, yes, but through that struggle we learn the true meaning of happiness, love, care, affection, responsibilities and togetherness. Only in pain we remember the ones who care for us, only in hardship we remember loved ones with hands spread wide open. Only in the struggle of life, we remember how human we can be, minus money, minus greed, minus selfishness!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Simple Philosophies of Life~

Its a lonely night, alone by the window, just listening to the sounds surrounding me. The orbital rotation of the fan at a speed of 5, motorcycles passing through the roads, and doors slamming here and there. Besides that, there is nothing much. Its somewhat like any other ordinary night, but its nonetheless a night to remember.

As random as some people are, i find myself random at thoughts and ideas. I think randomly, sometimes it has no relation at all to my current state of affairs, but yet its a thought, something that tests my mind, and then relates to my emotions and self well-being.

Are we following His story, and His narration...
Are we just creating our own story with him as a Judge?

A friend sent me a beautiful poem today, inspiring? Yea a little, but it was more of an eye opener. The logical and rational reasons as to why we live life like this.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "No. I give you blessings, happiness is up to you."

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, "No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, "No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, "No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things."

I asked God to help me love others, as much as God loves me.
God said... "Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!"

Someone accurately said that maturity in prayer occurs when we are able to move from the plea,
"Give me..." to the deeper prayer, "Use me."

Life is short! Lets live!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rest In Peace~

*Tragedy after tragedy, loss after loss. The cycle of life is testing upon us all. Death has become more universal than life, everyone dies, very few live. Death is a debt we must pay, Death is a law we must follow.

*A dedication to all those wonderful souls that have left us recently. May they all rest in peace~

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

by Charlie Daniels~

"I've balanced all. Brought all to mind. The years to come seem a waste of breath. A waste of breath the years behind. In balance with this life, this death."
YB Yates (Irish poet)

Saturday, July 11, 2009


There is this urge and need to talk, to spill every little issue that is happening to me, to share my experience and pain with someone, and to gain advice and courage against this difficult challenge, the challenge of life. But as time goes, i realised that, i have no one to go to, no one to listen to my story, and no one to guide me through out this journey. Its an irony how things change in a split second, its funny how thoughts turn into criticisms, and its painful when fulfilled life falls to a lonely state.
I am lost now. I'm walking in a path with no signs, just lots of obstacles, shrubs, huge trees, wet soil, glaring sun... all alone. I turn to my left thinking that i'll find water to wash away my thirst, i look to the right, hoping to find a guide towards my dreamed destination, I try looking high up above, but the shine of the sun doesn't permit, and at the bottom of my feet, i see only ants, and insects, playing their role in life.
Never have i felt this lonely before. Never have i ever thought that I'd come to this situation. Never did i ever want to be like this. But this is it. A path with uncertainty. There i stand, wishing for a miracle, for a helping hand, and a voice that would console me. But i have found nothing... NOTHING!
Tears role down my face every day and night, hoping and praying for a better tomorrow. I am losing signs and guides that used to be there for me at one time. I did all that i could to cherish every one of them, but yet i am failing. Every step they take away from me, reminds me of the loneliness that is coming closer towards me. I scream out loud, "Don't move away!", but nobody listens. I hold their hands and pull them towards me, but they just slip away.... slip away and never come back.
My lost is huge. More that anyone can imagine. I lost hope, that once drove me to my current state; I lost courage, that showed me the essence of life; I lost endurance, that made me strong as how i seem; I lost my friends, whom once was there holding my back; I lost everything, that made me human.
I am drowning!
What should i do? Who will be there for me? Is this only a battle for me?
Just questions, without answers...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Just Dance - Lady Gaga Ft. Colby O Donis

Nothing remains permanent in life...

" We are but a hollow bamboo, in which God plays his flute"

"Nothing is permanent in life, it may come to you at one point, and it may be ripped off from you at another"

"You can please the world, You can act in front of everyone, but remember, the final verdict is God, He who sees the TRUE you!"

"You can please a million friends, You can please your family, but only a person who pleases himself entirely is a true human being"

"Many people claim to care for you, many try to give you comfort, but the undying truth is that, everyone is with you for a reason, and mostly for their own benefits"

"Mistakes are the results of trying, experimenting life, done by Humans with Guts! Cowards fail to try, and have no point of living"

"Even the thief and murderer has a story written by God. So if anyone has the right to judge, it would be him, and no one else!"

"You can have a thousand and one fear, but you should never fear falling, as that is the stepping stone towards success!"

"Every second of our lives, represents one loss and a gain. Think hard and cherish every moment, cause some instances never repeats~"

"Ten people say Good about you, Ten people say the Bad, But only 2 people in this world say the truth, and thats Mom and Dad."

"You may be rich, You may be poor, either way live happily, cause happiness is an emotion that is priceless"

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The battle of life~

*Regardless of the number of people we think are standing behind us, we're always alone. We were born alone at a particular time, we all come out from our mother's womb alone at a particular time; we breathe alone, every inhalation and exhalation is done alone. The start of life is accomplished alone. I think in this context, it might mean as if i am ignoring the love, support, care and guidance that our parents and loved ones have given us. But please, don't get me wrong, what i am trying to say is that, we strive for a living alone, regardless of how much support and love we get, the choice of continuing life, the choice of living our dreams, everything lies in our hands. You have to do whats best for you, you have to strive for your dreams, and all of it contributes to your happiness!
*Yes i am a young adult. Yes, i am no longer a kid, nor am i a teenager. A kid would mean a child, just picking up traits and norms, learning a little day by day, understanding from time to time, what is life, whats wrong and whats right. Then there is the teen days, the time when we test the norms and practices, trying out what was taught to be wrong, and ignoring the right, being rebellious as apparently it is "fun". And yes, there is the young adult, the phase where u get things straight and start planning life, a certain seriousness takes place, dreams are planned out such that it turns to reality.
*I am experiencing a rather unique and challenging phase of life. I am understanding my abilities and my weaknesses, trying to make the best of life.. but.. i realised... its never easy to please the world...
~ I worry, i care for all those people i call my loved ones. This includes my family, my friends, and all those i love. Care and worry in this context refers to every little incident that occurs to this group of people, every little joy and sadness affects me in some way or another. When i say i care, i do... but not everyone understands it.. When i ask whats happening, its cause i want to know and genuinely help, and not to nose around in your problems.
~ Whatever i do, it always back fires. Its so normal to me that i just move on. Every little step i take, i think and analyze, sadly it never falls the way i want it to. And i must say, when i consider an act, i do it thoroughly, but am sorry, i dont have the power to make it a reality, cause i am just another young adult, and not God. And let me tell you, even if u expected something to happen and it happened the way u imagined it to be, its just another message or guidance from God, to just keep you away from danger! You're no greater than any other human being on earth.
~ No one has the right to judge me. Yes i am an open book, i accept any one of any shape, colour and sizes, cause to me, everyone regardless of their origins and past, is special in their own way, and yes you can always learn something from them too. So stop it! If you think you're great, then by all means, try to play God, but please dont you dare mess with my life! I regret knowing those who judge me, for no one truly understands me!
~ I am tired of playing the good role. Cause i realised, no one in this entire world has the ability to comprehent life. All you do is think of yourself! Trust me, karma plays in many ways! Dont fly over your glory, you dont know who might shoot you down! I am helpful and i do this because i enjoy sharing, but i must say you just dont appreciate it, and i am sorry for you!
~ I am standing alone at a junction, a junction with so many roads to follow. You may think i am taking the wrong road, but trust me, for a person who has thought about my condition once, you have no right to say i am wrong, for i have considered every road at least ten times more than you have.Yes i agree, i always accept guidance and views, but please.. i do whats best for me and my loved ones, and no one has the right to judge!
~ Lastly, i'd like to say: I am honoured to have everyone around me, but i realised, i have only a few who are genuine enough to help me with my burden. And for those who have helped me, i thank you, cause you've not judged me neither have you condemned me, but you've just given me another shot, another shot towards believing that life although it tears you apart at times, there is always a silver lining... :)
This is my special note to young adults, mistakes happen for a reason, so does challenges. Survive is the word! Dont rush for the future, and dont brood for the past, Live life for now! Live for you! Cause out of the thousands that surround you, yes, there are tonnes of them who bearly know or understand you, but you must remember, although the battle of life is faced alone, there might be 5 or ten people who are just wishing to see u smile~
Lots of love,
Surviving Young Adult~

Thursday, April 16, 2009


So here i am sitting by books, waiting for something called freedom, which apparently will only come to me in 2 weeks.. a bummer? totally. But the essence of this period has thought me lots about colours. Yes i am talking about colours, ie red, blue, pink, yellow, green.... etc.. but i am speaking of colours in a very very unique point of view.

I personally think colours potray the diversity of life, life in this context refers to the elements, surrounding us, as well as elements that are embedded deep in our souls. And surprising or not, these colours sometimes really shows or exhibits its wonders based on our moods. Interesting? Totally.. but bear in mind that the colour that means wealth for me, might mean danger for you, making the colour that exhibits a particular element of life be totally subjective to ones eyes and soul~
Lets see...
I am thinking of Red. I look at red as power, tension, rage and anger(as what most of us presume). Its alerting, like a warning to our eyes, as to how powerful something can affect us. It blends in tension, jealousy, uncomfort, and lots of cenfidence challenging elements, that keeps us alert, but at high extends could lead to panic! Now, based on my current situation: I look at the test paper, and everything is red! Challenging enough that out of all the notes the lecturer gave us in class, he made a total question of 20 marks just from 8 slides. Pathetic? well, more like challenging, and what goes on ur mind? I wished i read that 8 slides more than the other hundreds! Tension and intensifying! Hows that?

Now, Blue. Blue i regard as the colour of my writing in paper. Yes, for the past two final papers, i have been using a blue pen. It makes me think harder, more bright, makes the sheet look neat regardless of my awful writing that just deteriorates in beauty :P as time goes.. hahaha.. But its true, it has been shown that blue pen, doesnt make points distinct, and actually makes the examiner happier, cause it looks less messier and easier to handle. Besides that, blue may make you calm, look up above the sky, or look at a wide ocean, it brings bliss even for a split second! :D

Next, Black. In this context, i'd like to split into 2 shades, a lighter shade of black( some what greyish) and pitch black. Pitch black totally goes for the negative energy within my soul. The bad habits and the terrible thoughts that run my mind. Example: My "encouraging"habit of biting my nails when tensed! I had them long last week, and now, its bearly visible when you look at my palm! Terrible or tasty? Neither, just a way to get rid of the butterflies in my stomach! Now the grey~ Its a very close colour to me. Something i feel and see deep in me most of the time. It is the colour of being lonely and lack of confidence, making you question existence, a serious yet fragile state, but very private. I face this colour almost everyday, but the truth to be said, is that it can be so bad and hurting, but yet it teaches me the importance of hoping for the best. Its the feeling that makes you wonder the values of life and your surroundings. Full of purity, very intimate, very personal, its a colour that stands on its own in my soul.

Then there is Purple. I regard this colour equivalent to fun, and excitement! It reminds me of great memories with family and friends, that brings out smiles or random laughters. Purple is a colour, whether found intensed or in light tones, are always approved and accepted by anyone, unless if you have a "thing" against purple. To me, its a cheerful colour. For example, current state of hearing a joke while studying, also triggers the "purple colour" in me ;).

The head of purity, white. A colour that reminds me of hope, believes, dreams and aspirations. Its a colour that potrays the little things we scribble in our lives today and make as targets for a better tomorrow. Simple, exams here, we try our best and study. Then, we pray, hoping that God will show us some light and make us succeed in everything we do. Shows clearly the need as well as the effort in achieving everything we ever wished for.

Green = Harmony. Harmony in this context refers to the harmonious relationship we build with those around us.This too, i split into 2, light green as well as dark green. Light green potraying a young relationship, just building, involving lots of challenges in establishing. Would include good elements such as unity, togetherness, love and care; as well as the negative aspects such as misundertandings, lack of faith and trust. If this relationship surpasses this stage, then it goes into dark green stage, the stage where regardless of what happens, the continuity and the strength of relationships never shakes. This is usually with family and extremely close friends and associates.

hmm...i find this really interesting, and as seen above are the colours that i feel right this instant. I might add more as time goes :P

anywayz, better get back to what i was doing... have a great day! cheerz

ps: If you are reading this post, i'd like your comment on this. I'd like to know how similar these colours mean to you :D


Sunday, March 08, 2009

Eyes wide open~

"There is this huge load in me, a load i wish to share with so many,yet i feel none is capable of understanding it,cause no one is there to hold my back..."

What can you gain from that?
1)There is a huge sadness in this person, heart felt sorrow and pain, that seems large compared to the spatial extent of his/her heart.
2)There is this wish in her, to show and tell the people around his/her what he/she is facing deep in his/her, but he/she's skeptical,thinking twice, probably cause he/she can't trust anyone.

3)Understanding. He/She uses this word to express the root of the problem. He/She questions the commitment people have over his/her life, the commitment and trust people have on every relationship related to his/her.

4)Finally, he/she concludes that there isn't one genuine being that is available, not even one to fight for her or to check if he/she is ok. This is when you deeply realise, who stands closest to you and who doesn't.

One wise man once told me, no one is a permanent friend, neither is a person a permanent enemy. Question: Then what is everyone around us? Temporary assets that claim to be valuable only for a certain duration of time. Sad, painful but true! Truth always hurts!

You know, life can be so unfair at times. We follow the laws: from the law of gravity to the law of attraction, from public laws to the laws of religion... everything is followed, but yet, you get caught for an act, that ur entirely not responsible for. How so? Another question with infinite answers!

Generally, there is this law, the Law of Nature, Nature in this context absolutely referring to the law "we" humans prefer following, the law that relies entirely on the words we blurt out! Sad? No! Hurting? No! Just entirely "unique".

This law apparently kills every bit of trust, every bit of belief we build towards someone or something. This is sad! Why? Cause, its most of the time something that doesn't have a strong basis to support! But yet it is followed, and this is the thing that puts us at this position, the position in which we gain no certainty about life. This has become our norm, our culture, our practice, but yet people fail to realise, these things just kill us bit by bit, day by day. But remember, its a norm! Its either you choose to follow it blindly which most of us do, or you go with the flow, make the best of every situation and decision, but consider every little popping idea that comes in ur mind and heart! I like no.2... :D

Its hard to be yourself these days, Every little detail creates doubt, every little step makes the world turn around, but the irony is that everyone else is asking u to change when they're simply trying so hard to be like you. Okay, this is brutal, but its something we all do, look at a common picture and trying drawing it out! Its like.. you see this latest designer dress being worn by your favourite celebrity, and the next thing ,whether u realise it or not, you're in a store searching for it.

The bottom line is, we follow people whom we think are sensible, someone we think is on the right track, but we must realise, instead of following them, we should improvise ourselves, make it as original as possible, because only then people will appreciate us as being entirely ourselves, instead of being associated with someone else.

We all act. Thats something we must accept. We are all actors and actresses in life, whether you realise it or not. For example, when you're out to meet someone, you put on ur best behaviour, and that is a simple example of a mask, that u wish to show the world, so that at the end of the day, the impression imposed on you is the best, giving no possible way to any negative comments. So, at the end of the day, we're all acting in a play called "life" and we all wish to have the "best role" award. So, note this: Improvise, make yourself as original as possible, cause then, you'd make a statement!

Lastly, Life is in your hands. Make the best of it, not for the world, but just for yourself, and those that play an important role in your life.


Monday, March 02, 2009

Reminiscence ~

Sitting in this lonely room, she reminiscent the last time she saw you, it wasnt face-to-face, but it was good enough! Little, sweet smiles; jokes and laughter, felt as if all emotions gushed out in a split second. She teared and said "I miss you so much baby." He spread his arms wide open, and all he asked her to do was "Fall into my arms my beautiful princess, dont move away!" Those were the days when falling in love seemed so beautiful, it involved tonnes of smiles and millions of tears, but yet it brought two hearts close together, two hearts that were dying to unite as one.

As time passed, as many sunsets occured, they only grew to realise that all they wanted most of life, was each other. Nothing more, not even money, car, house, or anyone else, and they wanted nothing less too. As time passed, problems step foot into the beautiful bond they had. Well, when this is said, most of us would wonder if its either one of them with the problem, but the truth is that, every little problem that came along their lives, was due to the people around them. No one had faith that it would work out, no one had hope...

Facing so many ups and downs they realised, it was time to consider beyong love itself. "I love you, dont ever doubt that, but there is more to love than just us, we can only move on and achieve our dreams of being one, if and only if we decide to make sacrifices and face all the criticism the world has for us.." Those words of his caught her attention, for once in her entire life she realised that love doesnt stand on its own. Love needs to be supported by reality, logic, norms, practices.....

They could only hold each other close, pat each others back, plant small kissess and bind tightly to one another.. cause at that point of time, it felt as if everything is starting to shatter.. every tear resembled a mile away from one another.. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbing on his jacket, her hands slipped every time she held that jacket tight, she never did once want to believe that it was a sign, a sign that probably all the bliss and love she had felt ever since they united are being shed bit by bit, day by day...

"So baby? Shall we take sometime to think it over? Lets consider every little bit of issue that is being presented to us.. lets see if this will work baby.. If it does we'll move on, but if it doesn't we will part as friends..." he said, he tried hiding his grief from her, he never did shed a tear (or she just didnt see it), but he pretended well.

As the tears rolled down her beautiful face, she looked at him, and whispered, " If this is what we need to face my baby, lets take a few days, a few days to decide the best decision towards our happiness, but until then, could we just please cherish every little bit thats left of our love? "

No one could say a word, cause thats how painful it is when u stand between 2 different worlds.. between love and logic...

I wish...

I wish you could see
just how much you mean to me
how your kisses make me feel
and how your love is so real
how your hugs make me melt
you bring out this feeling ive never felt
i get this tingle in my tummy
everytime i try to talk....i feel like a dummy
your eyes are so deep in blue
i get lost in them everytime i look at you
and your touch...dont get me started
when i tryed to flirt i feel Re-tarted
but please dont leave me
because i know you wont ever know or see
how much you made smile
and without you my heart i would put in deniale
becuase no-one else could ever make me feel
the way you could and i dont think i could deal
with all the pain of losing you
so stay with me my baby boo

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


" Baby, i will wait for you, If its last thing i do..." Elliot Yamin-Wait for u~
Beautiful song, shows how much he wants this special girl in his life. Ever heard of hopelessly in love? Well, he's a good example! Striving for that one and only, the girl of his dreams. Lives for one, dies for one! You know, this case ends up with absolute success or failure, meaning that its either he has a happily ever after story, or he goes into depression due to a loss that he can never recover from. It comes back to absolute happiness or sadness~
"You're that one for me, its clear for everyone to see"Usher&A.Keys-My Boo
This song potrays a view on the past, looking back at the first relationship. Whe she moves on with someone else, then meets with her first love again, short flash back of the past, from the first touch to the first kiss, but even though they have moved on, they realise, nothing stays as strong as ur first love! A package of both success and failure! This shows how great it is to sacrifice ur love for sumone, whom is in love with sumone else. Love with sacrifices, that may cause lots of pain internally, but as long as u see a smile on ur love's face, you realise everything is just for the better! So, you decide to move on, and follow the flow of life~
" Touch me now, dont bother, if every second it makes me weaker, you can safe me from the man i've become" Backstreet Boys - Shape of my heart
This is somewhat like what was explained for My Boo, but the difference is that this case involves mistakes and mess ups by one side, that finally ends up losing that one person he/she loves so much, the loss that you know, you can never mend, nothing is going to bring ur lover back. Lots of tears and frustrations, regrets and sadness, blaming yourself entirely for every mishaps that happened. The unique thing is, as much as we believe that in every essential thing in life it takes 2 to clap, but in this case, everything is blamed on one party, and that party doesnt deny. This takes time, healing is almost close to impossible, especially if its with someone you love so dearly.
"I hate how much i love you boy, I cant stand how much i need you" - Rihanna and Ne Yo - Hate That I Love You
Attraction with a barrier, as much as they both love each other, they realise that things can never work between them, but yet they love each other so much and they believe every shine in their life is due to the love that have for one another. Little things like smiles, and kisses, the bear essentials for their happiness. The need to be together, the desire to be in each others' life, drives them to the sacrifices their need to just withstand life's challenges.
"I know this is a feeling that i just can't fight, you're the first and last thing on my mind" Blue - You Make Me Wanna
This is somewhat similar to Wait for u, but the difference is that, it involves friendship. Close relationship between a girl and a guy that eventually brings additional desires in him, making him initiate the move towards making her the one and only love of his life. He wants to share both night and day with her, he wants to show her all the beautiful wonders of love, to let her realise how much she means to him, how much she shines light in his life and how much he just wants to surrender his soul to her. Hopelessly Romantic! Woman love romance dont we? :P
Bottom line is that, love as much as it sounds beautiful and perfect, can end up being imperfect and may even break you into pieces. But do not fear to love, whether a success or a failure, love is worth experiencing, because it is the most important element that makes life complete. You can buy everything with cash, but can you buy undying love? Question with numerous answers, but its entirely up to you. Define love in your own words, and give it some thought. Love is a slow growing process, but it forms a strong undying base, that never fades with time.
"Take a step at a time, there's no need to rush, its like learning to fly, or falling in love" Jordin Sparks - A Step At A Time.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Worries come by her
She sits and broods on what to do,
She picks herself up,
Moves to solve every problem,
With every known method available,
But at the end,
Its just for a thanks or a smile,
Then forgotten till the end of time...

What is she worth to your eyes?
What does she remind you of?
Has she ever meant any harm?
Has she ever expected anything in return?
She asks for no awards,
No recognitions, No money,
But just your undying love and care,
That drives her to live,
Every second of her life...

Now she sits by the window,
Hoping that someday,
Someone will realise,
That all she meant to do..
Was to spread her love,
To help those in need..
As it's just a genuine way..
Of making a presence,
Of having an impact,
In the lives of her loved ones..

"I may not be worth a million,
Or even a gem for the matter,
But here i stand right before you,
Asking kindly for a tiny request,
Keep me alive in your heart,
As i live knowing that,
You would hold my hands,
When i fall..."

You will never know how much you actually mean to a person,
Your may never realise how much your happiness means to them,
You may never understand her intentions,
But trust me, its all for the better at the end of the day!
So, change your thinking today,
Do not jump to conclusions, Never loose faith and trust,
Start cherishing those around you,
Cause you'll never know who plays that role of an angel in your life.

Friday, February 13, 2009

surviving entirely on others~

cryptic growth - according to microbial physiology, it refers to the organism that lives or survives on lysis products of lysis cells. Lysis in this context means dead cells, meaning cells that show no growth what-so-ever! I share a similarity with cells that undergo cryptic growth, i depend on others, not so much for the benefits, ie for help with homework, or for money, but more for support, and the major difference between me and those undergoing cryptic growth is that, i rely on LIVING organisms! Entirely!

I realised that as time passes by, as we grow physically i mean, that we seem to lag in some way or another when it comes to mental growth. Okay, i know i may seem like i am not making any sense, but what i'm trying to say is that the age never in the entire world potrays our thinking. I know of 22 year olds who make the most childish and "far beyond thinking" remark, that at times potrays a 12 year old? I am not picking on anyone, nor am i criticising the people around me, but i am being entirely general, focussing on all of us, cause whether we realise it or not, we do face this same problem. We think we're adults, cause we have reached the age, but trust me my loving people out there, when it comes to making rasional decisions and choosing the best approach to a problem, we always fumble! The question is, how adult is your thinking compared to your age?

I also realised that we tend to give better advices to other, but never to ourselves. Agreed? I don't know about you but trust me, i can think rasionally and practically for everyone else on earth, except for myself and those really close to me. Why? Cause i get really sceptical, i worry if the decision made might cause some sort of undesired effect, which could in return damage the relationship i have with this particular person. And if its only involving me, it will decrease my sellf-esteem.Seems simple no? but trust me, nothing has a greater impact than this.

Bottom line is, if we're gonna whine about worries of making mistakes, and if we're gonna punish someone for the mistakes he or she had done, we have proved ourselves to be not as adult as our age shows. Where is the understanding? We make mistakes! Drill that in ur head! No one is perfect! Noted? But... wait up.. there is more...

Mistakes can be prevented. So think... and consult...

Prevention is better than cure in everything else, but when it comes to mistakes, if it has already happened, do not sit and brood over it, but just pick ur butt up that floor, and move on, be happy cause u just learnt a valuable lesson!