Tuesday, December 02, 2008

none of us lets go.... :'(

"i need some time and space. I dont think i am ready." Those were the words that came out of her mouth earlier today. Mixed feelings, so much memories and issues running in her head. She never knew it would just end in a wink of an eye. But it did, and she let it be, as he himself said it would hurt if it prolonged. So it was the end to a one year relationship, which coloured her life and transformed her into a fine woman. Now she sits alone, thinking about her state and condition,not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do, but tears just flow, and its been flowing without a stop for sometime.. even at this point, she isnt thinking about herself, but she's thinking about him, whether he'd be ok and he would move on.. whether he'd smile and enjoy life again after what she has done.. she stands like an evil shadow in front of him, evil enough to hurt him and crush him into pieces.

She wanted this so much, but she let it go, cause she doesnt want to hurt him anymore, she thought she could mend everything, but she ended up killing him, for what she felt inside her, she felt as if it wasn't genuine, and she didn't ever want to take him for a ride which has no promises. Everything moved too fast, she needed to stop, and think. So she did, she thought about everything, So she decided, that she would take a time out from everything, and that included leaving him.

So they talked, they cried, they begged, and finally it all ended. Now, she's here, sitting in front of the computer, waiting and hoping that he would be on, but he wasn't. She felt so much guilt, so much sadness, cause she hurt him so much, that she worries so much for him. She felt as if she lost half of her soul. She read his letters, emails, postcards all over again, and it struck her so bad, that he had spent so much on her, and she realised that all she did for him was hurt him... deep inside.. :'(

So, she decided to leave him a short note, despite promising him to not ever disturb him in any way, cause she couldnt help it, too worried about what he might do or decide.. so she did, send him a short note..

"i am guilty and i am so sorry for all the pain i am causing u right now. I hope you understand someday, that everything happens for a reason, and that i never meant to kill u like this. I know i;m not supposed to text you, but i just couldnt hold back. i know i did so much to u, but i need to know ur ok.. just that.."

Holding his letter and the gifts in her hands, she sat there, in her room, on the floor, leaning on the wall, waiting to get a short response from him...

"God bless you"

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