Thursday, December 18, 2008
ok..ok.. back to the survey~ I decided to have a 50-50 view, meaning to answer the question with both, a girl and a guys view.. not bias, just as honest and as fair as it could be. Well, its not that i have nothing to do, i just have so much stuff to do, that i need a break. So lets take a chill pill and enjoy the survey ok? ;)
1. Do you think you're hot?
NOT! but i have curves :P okay, thats just to make me feel better. sheesh!
2. Upload a favourite picture of yourself.
done that too many times...:)
3. Do you like the picture?
i love myself, so yea its not bad~:P
4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
hmm... 2 days back~ :P yummy. Canadian Pizza~
5. What was the last song you listened to?
shawty get loose -lil mama and chris brown~
6. What are you doing right now besides this?
talking to friends, blogging, and facebooking~;)
7. What name do you prefer besides your name?
anything NICE... lol.. used to Sharu~
8. 5 people I tagged :
ezreena, nat, dharry, sanjay and kas? well aint sure if they'll do it:P
9. Who is number 1?
my pet sis whom i've not kept in touch with for so long! hope ur doing good girl~ great girl indeed!
10. Who is number 3 having relationship with?
Aint sure! Dharry i need updates! miss ya lotz girl~
11. Say something about number 5.
Out-going, cheerful! love her!
12. How about number 4?
Great guy, really hardworking! You go man!! :)
13. Who is number 2?
My great pal. she's the best girl friend ever! The future fashion designer! miss ya so much gurl!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
She wanted this so much, but she let it go, cause she doesnt want to hurt him anymore, she thought she could mend everything, but she ended up killing him, for what she felt inside her, she felt as if it wasn't genuine, and she didn't ever want to take him for a ride which has no promises. Everything moved too fast, she needed to stop, and think. So she did, she thought about everything, So she decided, that she would take a time out from everything, and that included leaving him.
So they talked, they cried, they begged, and finally it all ended. Now, she's here, sitting in front of the computer, waiting and hoping that he would be on, but he wasn't. She felt so much guilt, so much sadness, cause she hurt him so much, that she worries so much for him. She felt as if she lost half of her soul. She read his letters, emails, postcards all over again, and it struck her so bad, that he had spent so much on her, and she realised that all she did for him was hurt him... deep inside.. :'(
So, she decided to leave him a short note, despite promising him to not ever disturb him in any way, cause she couldnt help it, too worried about what he might do or decide.. so she did, send him a short note..
"i am guilty and i am so sorry for all the pain i am causing u right now. I hope you understand someday, that everything happens for a reason, and that i never meant to kill u like this. I know i;m not supposed to text you, but i just couldnt hold back. i know i did so much to u, but i need to know ur ok.. just that.."
Holding his letter and the gifts in her hands, she sat there, in her room, on the floor, leaning on the wall, waiting to get a short response from him...
"God bless you"
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Morning light upon your forehead plays
Like sunshine on a precious sea
Gently like my hands caressing
Sensual contours, contours of your face.
Like my nose and lips one morning
Will caress your precious bonny face
Tenderly administering kisses
Doses of a wakeup song
Simple yet complete reminders
Of the love I have for you
Of the hope that blossoms in my heart
Of the warmth exhaling from your breath
Oh my sleeping beauty!
Tender in the fairy land
Wish I do I shouldn’t wake you
But you’re such a dream I must
‘Cause the dream of life is you my darling
And I wake up every day for you.
Just to fight to make our dream come true
Just to say I love you wife.
Stay with me my darling baby
Open those precious eyes of yours
Groggily in sleep utter “I love you”
Share with me the dream of life.
Monday, June 16, 2008
A kiss for every breath you take
a hug for ever sound you make
The world for all the love you have
A life of perfect happiness.
Because you mean the world to me
and no one makes me happy like you do
Because only your love is true
and I was born to be your man.
And come what may, whatever it be
No one will ever make us part
Because I am forever yours
and you're my wife forever too.
I love you baby, very much
the whole world's not enough
to make it fit, to hold it in
because I love you fit to burst ..
Friday, June 13, 2008
Otherwise life is ok. I got into Biotechnology (thankfully) and out of pure luck i did pretty ok for my exams and all.. its purely my parents prayers and all.. dont know how i did it..
anyway.. my parents had this small birthday party for me.. I'm a big 21 now! lol.. yea.. so these are some of the pictures:
well, it was great really.. and i know i look bad in a saree.. too bad k..live with it! lol..
thanks to all that helped out and actually came for the small gathering. thanks mum, dad, suresh, maanoj, vinod etta, aunts, uncles, friendz and all!!
Friday, February 15, 2008
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.
She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.
She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.