Thursday, December 18, 2008


Lol. thanks to sharmila! i respond sharmila. i really do. ;) Hope ur doing good too:D.

ok..ok.. back to the survey~ I decided to have a 50-50 view, meaning to answer the question with both, a girl and a guys view.. not bias, just as honest and as fair as it could be. Well, its not that i have nothing to do, i just have so much stuff to do, that i need a break. So lets take a chill pill and enjoy the survey ok? ;)

1. Do you think you're hot?
NOT! but i have curves :P okay, thats just to make me feel better. sheesh!

2. Upload a favourite picture of yourself.
done that too many times...:)

3. Do you like the picture?
i love myself, so yea its not bad~:P

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
hmm... 2 days back~ :P yummy. Canadian Pizza~

5. What was the last song you listened to?
shawty get loose -lil mama and chris brown~

6. What are you doing right now besides this?
talking to friends, blogging, and facebooking~;)

7. What name do you prefer besides your name?
anything NICE... lol.. used to Sharu~

8. 5 people I tagged :
ezreena, nat, dharry, sanjay and kas? well aint sure if they'll do it:P

9. Who is number 1?
my pet sis whom i've not kept in touch with for so long! hope ur doing good girl~ great girl indeed!

10. Who is number 3 having relationship with?
Aint sure! Dharry i need updates! miss ya lotz girl~

11. Say something about number 5.
Out-going, cheerful! love her!

12. How about number 4?
Great guy, really hardworking! You go man!! :)

13. Who is number 2?
My great pal. she's the best girl friend ever! The future fashion designer! miss ya so much gurl!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

None of us Lets Go~

she couldn't let him go. She just couldn't. It was so difficult to leave him, because she knew how much he had helped her deal with life, she had only one person whom she shared everything with, and she knew, that if she were to let him go, it would be the greatest sacrifice ever. But she still wanted to leave, she wanted to tell him that either way, no matter how much we try, it isn't going to work out, as there were too many differences, too many objections, too many frustrating situations. But she couldnt, neither could he. He cried for days, all he asked for was a chance, a chance to be united, a chance to proof that things can work out and that everything will be fine. That was all he asked for, despite all the negative responses obtained.
So there they were, talking, thinking of how destiny had played with their lives, but out of the blues, one fine day, he came up to her and asked, if she was willing to just give him one more chance, one more chance of proving himself to her, to her family and all those who doubted what they had. He didn't ask for money, he never asked for attention, he asked for one chance, for him to show what he had deep inside, to show the love he had for her. She played it safe, knowing the circumstances she is in, she wanted his love, she wanted to love him, but she didnt want any strings attached, cause she feared if one day, destiny might separate them again.
Letters, emails, conversations, it all just went on and on. The one thing that was common, was the fact that he always had a feeling in him, a feeling he never liked and was scared about, and that was losing her. He'd always remind her, "Although i say i love u, i feel like i'm losing u". Those words made her silent, tears filled her eyes, and all she could say was i know u love me, and lets just give it time, God is on our side. That crushed him deep inside, she knew it but she had no way out. They contacted each other, and yes they grew closed to one another, but the fear haunts them both, the fear that they might not be one someday.
For the beautiful woman of my dreams:
Waiting for the morning to come to you, with baited breath to breathe your love, expectant of what the day will bring, I stand at your side my heart in hand. Beautiful my princess in and out, you lie in bed your body taught, your lips softly moaning a song of love, your eyelids batting in the breeze. You look at me, you smile and kiss, my waiting hand, towards your heart you pull.Intense embrace of love we share, a metaphor of life with you, my charming love my precious wife, I'm yours alone I'm yours to hold. A pleasure so sublime our love, a thing that can be shared with none, a force so strong it knows no bound, a bridge which spans all oceans thus. The will to fight together held, by everlasting love will be, our prize a life together spent, in harmony and loving toil.

Time will tell a thousand things,
but they hope that time will finally bring them to one,
the fact of being together with the blessings of their loved ones....

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

none of us lets go.... :'(

"i need some time and space. I dont think i am ready." Those were the words that came out of her mouth earlier today. Mixed feelings, so much memories and issues running in her head. She never knew it would just end in a wink of an eye. But it did, and she let it be, as he himself said it would hurt if it prolonged. So it was the end to a one year relationship, which coloured her life and transformed her into a fine woman. Now she sits alone, thinking about her state and condition,not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do, but tears just flow, and its been flowing without a stop for sometime.. even at this point, she isnt thinking about herself, but she's thinking about him, whether he'd be ok and he would move on.. whether he'd smile and enjoy life again after what she has done.. she stands like an evil shadow in front of him, evil enough to hurt him and crush him into pieces.

She wanted this so much, but she let it go, cause she doesnt want to hurt him anymore, she thought she could mend everything, but she ended up killing him, for what she felt inside her, she felt as if it wasn't genuine, and she didn't ever want to take him for a ride which has no promises. Everything moved too fast, she needed to stop, and think. So she did, she thought about everything, So she decided, that she would take a time out from everything, and that included leaving him.

So they talked, they cried, they begged, and finally it all ended. Now, she's here, sitting in front of the computer, waiting and hoping that he would be on, but he wasn't. She felt so much guilt, so much sadness, cause she hurt him so much, that she worries so much for him. She felt as if she lost half of her soul. She read his letters, emails, postcards all over again, and it struck her so bad, that he had spent so much on her, and she realised that all she did for him was hurt him... deep inside.. :'(

So, she decided to leave him a short note, despite promising him to not ever disturb him in any way, cause she couldnt help it, too worried about what he might do or decide.. so she did, send him a short note..

"i am guilty and i am so sorry for all the pain i am causing u right now. I hope you understand someday, that everything happens for a reason, and that i never meant to kill u like this. I know i;m not supposed to text you, but i just couldnt hold back. i know i did so much to u, but i need to know ur ok.. just that.."

Holding his letter and the gifts in her hands, she sat there, in her room, on the floor, leaning on the wall, waiting to get a short response from him...

"God bless you"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

CoLouRS oF LiFe aS a YouNG aDuLT~

what is it that we want so much out of life? what is the thing we want most, and although we have enough, it never seems to satisfy our needs? why is it that we never consider being appreciative, and thankful for what we have in our lives?


we start school from the age of 4? say kindergarden, then followed by primary education, secondary, pre-university and finally.. degree! oh wait, there's still masters, PhD? okay, but do u realise, that every time we talk abt studies, the first thing that comes into our minds are our results, exams, assignments, and the list goes on. we never take a moment to cherish, cherish the amount of time in our lives we've spent on learning. Okay, i'm now doing my degree, 2nd year, thats a total of 17 years of education. Isnt that a lot? But why do we still compare, compare with student who are so called "brilliant" just cause they get all As. Arent we brilliant too? The fact that we struggled through school and college, shows that we are well contented people, we are great too! why do people always think they're useless or just not up to the mark? Why cant we just be thankful for every little success that comes in our life? We should be thankful! but we are never satisfied i guess....


We strive for our families dont we? Our parents took so much pain just to make our lives easy, from the first milk bottle, pampers, clothes to the school text books, and now till university, they have always been there, striving to make our lives much easier than what they have gone through. Talk about being caring, no one else could be like them. No one else cares for us as much as them, and no one else prays for our happiness and well-being as much as they do. Thanks appa and amma! Thanks mum and dad! But the truth is, for all the hardship and pain they go through, i realised that, they obtain a huge amount of happiness, even just by seeing us smile. Then there is our siblings. The elder bro and sis, the younger bro and sis... that makes us all irritated and angry... arghh... but the truth is, most of them never express how much they love, care and respect us. So, there it is, a happy family!


As we grow up, we meet people. A simple walk to the store, or just going to the playground, just by saying "hi" we meet someone new, and that person, once we meet again and again.. slowly turns into being a friend. What is a friend? A playmate, a person who enjoys every single thing we do, sharing similar interests and hobbies with us, thats a friend(to a kid definitly). Then there is the school friends, in standard one to six, those whom we compare our colour pencil sets to, those whom we play "catching" with, those who one day is our friend, and the next day not! lol.. dont u remember those lines: "i dowan to be ur friend anymore!" lol. Those were the days huh? Then there is the friends u meet in high school, and this is when u meet "true" friends.You learn that people are made of unique characters, then u'll realise not everyone can be your friend. Thats cause as we grow up, we tend to decide, what we want and what we dont like. And that also comes to choosing ur friends. We stick with the ones we like, the ones that brings some sort of a benefit to us; whereas we avoid meeting and talking to those whom we dislike. Then as we step into university or any form of further education; we realise many people are walking around with masks. Too many people hiding their own identity, acting like someone they're not, wishing to make more friends. But my question is : What is the point of talking abt friendship when everyone is a fake? Why doesn't anyone understand how important it is to be genuine in friendship? Well, these are just questions without specific answers, cause its subject to ones view.


Then there is love. Love in this context could mean love for your family, love for ur friends, or ehmm... yes yes.. love for that special someone. Ok, we love our family no? YES! We love our friends no? Yes. Now lets come to that special someone. As we experience a day at a time, we come across many people, mostly strangers and sometimes, a few of our friends. The thrill of meeting this stranger is all activated when we come across that "dream partner"! The charming, sweet, smart, beautiful, exciting, interesting ......da da da...wait wait.. for the girls, the tall, dark and handsome sexy man! and the list goes on. Then we have to make a decision.. to love or not? Usually in this context the partner would be of the opposite sex. Its a myth or a believe that the opposite sex understands ur every need, every character well that it would make it so perfect when you're together. i guess it could be the fact that it is easy to communicate, and understand each others needs... interesting no? Well, some say the best friends they have are also of the opposite sex, and yes, the reason is cause they are said to be more understanding! So now tell me, what is this unique relationship between a girl and a guy? it seems that girls tend to melt to the man's words, he says ur beautiful and u blush, and when you say he's charming, he says JACKPOT! lol, but are we girls that weak when it comes to guys? i guess not. Its just that we attention! when he says we're beautiful, the first thing that goes in a girl's mind is the fact is she has been seen and considered good looking by a guy. Then when he grows closer and closer, we love the fact that he lends a ear to hear to all our problems and complains. Then, we like the fact that a problem, no matter how serious it is, it never seems big to guys! Stay cool and cheer up policy! But at the end of the day, its the attention, the love, the care and the respect between a girl and a guy that turns into love eventually.

Question: Is it true that a girl and a guy can never stay as friends forever without falling for each other? Its my biggest doubt! Help!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

a wake up song, for his dearly beloved~

Morning light upon your forehead plays

Like sunshine on a precious sea

Gently like my hands caressing

Sensual contours, contours of your face.

Like my nose and lips one morning

Will caress your precious bonny face

Tenderly administering kisses

Doses of a wakeup song

Simple yet complete reminders

Of the love I have for you

Of the hope that blossoms in my heart

Of the warmth exhaling from your breath

Oh my sleeping beauty!

Tender in the fairy land

Wish I do I shouldn’t wake you

But you’re such a dream I must

‘Cause the dream of life is you my darling

And I wake up every day for you.

Just to fight to make our dream come true

Just to say I love you wife.

Stay with me my darling baby

Open those precious eyes of yours

Groggily in sleep utter “I love you”

Share with me the dream of life.

Monday, June 16, 2008

random pictures, that inspires life~

love note, from a man to a woman~

I'd love to give you:
A kiss for every breath you take
a hug for ever sound you make
The world for all the love you have
A life of perfect happiness.

Because you mean the world to me
and no one makes me happy like you do
Because only your love is true
and I was born to be your man.

And come what may, whatever it be
No one will ever make us part
Because I am forever yours
and you're my wife forever too.

I love you baby, very much
the whole world's not enough
to make it fit, to hold it in
because I love you fit to burst ..

Friday, June 13, 2008

I'm back after 4 monthz! lol

Hey! I'm back, and this time with a new and better me.. lol.. yea thats what everyone says after they take a long break, but trust me, i'm still the old me. Oh well, its uni break now, wasting my time just helping my parents out with bro, granny and all, as well as catchin up with my palz which i will definitely miss lotz once i leave for Penang again! huhuhuhu...

Otherwise life is ok. I got into Biotechnology (thankfully) and out of pure luck i did pretty ok for my exams and all.. its purely my parents prayers and all.. dont know how i did it..

anyway.. my parents had this small birthday party for me.. I'm a big 21 now! lol.. yea.. so these are some of the pictures:

well, it was great really.. and i know i look bad in a saree.. too bad with it! lol..

thanks to all that helped out and actually came for the small gathering. thanks mum, dad, suresh, maanoj, vinod etta, aunts, uncles, friendz and all!!

take carezzz

Friday, February 15, 2008

Chris's Diary~

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.