Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Women and Men~

Nice one. Read it! :D

PART ONE:

Women: Give thanks for men! By Dan Bova

OK, so we have our faults: Forgetting anniversaries, forgetting to put the seat down, and a whole bunch of other important things I’m forgetting. But before you go wishing for a world devoid of us big dumb apes, take a minute to reflect on all the joy we bring to your world. Like duct tape, dudes have all kinds of helpful uses, like…

1. We do gross things you don’t want to do
Got a bug that needs squishing? A clogged drain that needs snaking? In this day and age of women doing it for themselves, every once in a while, it’s nice to sit back and let a guy feel like a “real man” and do your dirty work for you. Whether we’re sweating our butt off hefting air conditioners into your bedroom window or carrying heavy cases of bottled water from the car to the house, dudes are not above getting grimy for your affection.

2. Our constant desire to have sex with you has got to be good for your ego
Maybe our attempts to have quickies before you run out the door for work aren’t exactly romantic, but what can we say, you drive us wild! What could be a better boost for your self-image than a dude who wants to spend as much time as humanly possible in the presence of your nakedness?

3. We’ll never tell you that you look fat in those jeans
No matter how many times you ask or what size they are, the answer will always be unilaterally, unequivocally NO.

4. We’re easy to please
Fancy dinners? Pricey presents? Save your dough. To bring a big smile to your fella’s face, follow this simple equation: One beer + one couch = happy man.

5. We keep you up to date on all the latest gadgets
You don’t want a TV set bigger than your dining-room table? Fine, but we’ll let you know when your computer is hopelessly outdated and which new cell phone doubles as an MP3, takes pictures, and reminds you to call your mom on her birthday all at the same time. It’s like having your own personal electronics consultant—for free!

6. You can squeeze our arms as hard as you like during the scary parts of movies
And aside from making great stress squeeze balls at the multiplex, we’re also good to call in the middle of the night when you think you hear some gigantic mouse sneaking around downstairs. No man will say no to a late-night trip to your place because (a) We care about you and want to make sure you’re OK and (b) The potential for sex is way too high to pass up.

7. Our old college T-shirts are the most comfortable pajamas in the universe
See? There’s a very good reason that we refuse to throw them out.

8. We make you laugh your butt off
Sometimes, being an overgrown three-year-old has its benefits, like all the weird website links we forward you to break up your boring day at work.

9. Whenever you’re upset about work, our response is always, “Your boss is an f-ing idiot.”
Dudes see things in black and white. We’re not all about understanding the subtleties and layers of an argument. If you’re having problems at your job, we won’t play psychoanalyst and try to get to the root of the problem. We won’t try to figure out if you are doing anything to make the situation worse: If your boss is pissing you off, your boss is obviously a jerk and doesn’t deserve to have you onboard.

10. We nearly always make the first move
Asking someone out, leaning in for that first kiss—all instances that can result in ego-destroying rejection. But even the meekest of men are willing to take the risk when a beauty like you steps into our lives. So sit back and enjoy watching us tremble.

PART TWO:

Guys: Give thanks for women! By Nina Malkin

Sure, we can be a pain in the butt sometimes. Sure, there’s the nagging, the nosiness, the PMS mood swings and those easily injured feelings. But guys, think for a moment about all the wonderful things we ladies do. From the pains we take to be aesthetically pleasing to how we kiss it and make it all better, we women do rock. Let us count the ways!

1. Like it or not, we groom you for a real relationship
Whether it’s the mom who taught you to respect us, the sister who told you our secrets, or even the last girl who dumped you because you weren't ready to settle down, the women in your life help to shape you into the best man you can possibly be. So that when you meet The One, you’ll be ready, willing and able.

2. We’re sympathetic
Before we try to solve the problem (as men tend to do), we acknowledge it. We say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but a world without women’s compassion and understanding would be a pretty cold place.

3. We’re extraordinary ego-boosters
If it seems as though women are forever fishing for compliments, it’s because they’re nice to hear, especially when they’re sincere. That’s why we dole them out—about how handsome you look in that suit, how awesome you are at air hockey, how mind-blowing you are in bed, et cetera.

4. We’re soft
Soft hair, soft lips, soft skin… and so forth. All in all, it’s a pretty huggable package.

5. We keep your social life hopping
Before there were Palm Pilots, there were women. We organize, we schedule, we remember. Admit it—you get out a whole lot more and have a more interesting life when you’re dating someone who wants to do something besides sit home and watch TV all the time.

6. We listen
The stereotype of woman as chatterbox is unfair. OK, scratch that—we do love to talk. But not in a vacuum. That’s why we’re always urging you to talk; we believe in communication and that means we want to listen, too. Go ahead, open up—tell us what you were like as a little kid and how you plan to save the world.

7. We have a civilizing influence
Yes, you probably could survive in a bachelor pad adorned with nothing but a TV and a six-pack in the fridge. But once a woman enters the picture, prepare to see some improvements even if you’re not living together yet. Due to our nest-feathering instincts, we strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only use sheets but change them regularly. Ahhhh!

8. We inspire you to shoot for gold
Think it’s an accident the Muses were all women? Somebody’s got to encourage your rock opera, psyche you up before that job interview, and root for your basketball team. We do it because we recognize your potential and know you can achieve your goals. And we want to cheer you on.

9. We make worthy opponents
Yeah, yeah, we’re soft and sweet most of the time. But engage us in battle, and we will tear your #%$^@ing head off. So be thankful — be very, very thankful — that we like you right now.

10. If you want kids someday, we’re usually willing to have them
And the labor pains. And the stretch marks. And in between, the periods. You’re welcome.