Friday, June 22, 2007

worries...within happiness and excitement

As you're all aware of, i got into University and i'll be doing Applied Science(Biotechnology). Am happy, and that has always been my favourite university, it was the place where my dad studied, and he completed his degree there, after i was born. I still remember, he took me on a tour around the campus, and as a child i told him, that one day i would be here, in this same university. Wallah, i'm going there. As soon as i got the results, my family were all so happy for me. It was important for them to see me go to the university. Happiness filled the environment. But, suddenly, my dad said,"Sharu, we'll really miss you". It striked me real hard. I;ve always been with my family, and there was never a time, we'd separate. We were always together. It was a rule in my house, that we must always sit and eat our meals together, especially dinner. We were never separated from that, and i must say up to today, i look forward for dinner, not for the food, but just for that friendly jovial conversation we always have during dinner. I will definitly miss those.

However, it is important for me to spread my wings and find my own way towards success. I have to start being independant, not only when it comes to handling things personally, but also to be able to stand strong on my two feet physically, emotionally, and psychology. I have to learn to stand up for myself. I have to be able to manage things for myself. I have to be independant! And that is why i am leaving.

I know to some, this might seem weird, and you might think i'm a spoil brat or sumthin, but the truth is that, i am not spoilt. I do all my chores myself, i handle things myself, but i always tend to turn back to my family and friends for support. And now, i have to stand alone, and i have to show the world, what "Sharmini" is all about.

Its going to be tough, yes! But its not impossible!

The toughest thing for me right now, is accepting the fact that i'll be separated from my family and friends for a certain period of time, which apparently might fly really fast!

To my family,

Thanks for all the support and guidance you;ve given me. Everything you showed, from the daily practise of life, to the obstacles of life, you have showed me with love. And that will be my guide towards succeeding my dreams. Yes, what is a family without ups and downs, but i must say i have learnt a lot from all these. Love never fades when it comes to family. I hope i'll make you proud.

To my friends,

Thanks for being such great friends. I;ve never thought in my entire life, my friends would make such a huge impact in my life. Now, i must admit, what would my life be without u all.. you are definitly the spice of my life. Thanks for all the support. I know, it sounds mushy and all..hahahah..but its hard, as we all have to go on our separate routes. I just hope what we have, lasts for ever.

Good luck in all your future undertakings.

Monday, June 18, 2007

sometimes, good things come in various ways

I am proud to say i'm officially going to university! yay! University Sains Malaysia, course: applied science...i'm going to major in biotechnology! ok..that news made my day! i've always wanted to go to USM!

I cant continue this post right now, lol...feeling too restless!! hahahaha...will update more soon.

ps: granny is doing fine..she's at my place now...am taking care of her!! hehehehe...good to c her mush better now, although she feels kinda bad and all...come on she's done so much for me... the help i'm providing is nothing compared to what she's done for me!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

My 101th blog entry!!

yea, that's right! i cant believe I've actually achieved this..100 entries...wow...i guess u all might know me well enough now...hahahaha...i'm growing up with this blog...and i must say, life has been really eventful, and I'm happy to say, these blog entries, do keep me on my feet. It reminds me of the sweet and joyful moments that occurred in my life, and it reminds me of those bitter and sad moments, just making me a little stronger than my usual self, day by day!

Lately, I've been writing a lot about an influential human being, a soul that has been in my life ever since birth, a person who has always been there, during the good and the bad, and a person who has been the role model to all of us, as a kind and loving human being. That is my grandmother. My love for her can;t be defined. It's so different. I can't explain the feeling i have for her. But i must say, that feeling makes me cherish her! And i will till then end of time!

My grandmother had a traumatic accident two days ago, causing her to fracture her thigh bone(femur), and after a 1 1/2 hr operation, her recovery is showing a positive response. In my earlier posts, i also included the other conditions that made the doctors unhappy, such as her lung infection. And I'm happy to say now that, test has been done, and the doctors are sure that the infection is just a minor one, and is being cured with antibiotics. Thanks for that, Thank you God! I'm happy for her, as she is well, all that she;s facing now, is a broken leg, which will be cured too, just might take some time.

You know that popular saying, "patience is a virtue". It really fits this context now. Patience is all that is needed for my grandmother to get back on her two feet.

God is great!

Thank you.

praying and hoping for the best...

last night, my grandmother had an operation, it took an hour and a half, and she was on epidural(where they numb the areas which will be operated, but the patient stays conscious and awake). Thw operation went well, but there were worries, my grandmother's osteoporosis has gotten worst, and the operation might not make her cure 100% as she used to be. According to the doctor, she will be able to get on her two leg, but not as long as last time, she cant put too much weight on her leg, and the recovery period will be long, at least 3/4 months, due to her age. Besides that, there were some concerns over her lung and all, which the doctors are treating with antibiotics and all. Besides that, the doctors think that she'll be fine, and that it just might take a little more time for her to heal completely.
she was in the ICU for about 12 hrs, after which she was transfered to the normal ward. I made 4 trips to the hospital today, once in the mornin to keep her company, once in the afternoon for lunch(i fed my granny, and it made me realise, how much it means to her when i spend time with her), then during dinner, and last before saying good night. The nurses have been really friendly and helpful.
all we do now is keep her company. we spend time with her, make her forget her porblems, but most importantly, we are trying to make her realise how much we love her, and that we;re here for her. We want her to understand that at this moment, nuthing means as much as seing her heal without sufferings. I hope and pray she'll be alright.
ps: rach, dont worry. My granny is fine. Thanks for ur concern. It makes me feel special, to have someone like you by my side. Hope to see you soon. Take care and thanks for being a great friend.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

everything is so unpredictable...

It was a weird night, was rolling all over the bed, thinking about the exciting things, as well as the worries of life, which i always tend to think at night, before i shut my eyes. There it was, something that told me life isnt going to be as good as it seems, i was worried, but as an optimistic human being, i ignored every guilt and worry that haunted me at that moment.

I woke up say around 5am, started rolling all over again on bed. Thinking about whata a wonderful day i might have at work, and how nice it would be to meet the aussie boss that i've heard so much about. Snap! and i woke up, rushed to the kitchen, and found my grandmother near the toilet, holding the door tight. I rushed to her, thinking of helping her up...and she just couldnt...i grabbed a chair, made her sit, and she said her leg is swolen, and that she couldnt bare the pain. The first thing that struck my confused head, was to take my grandmother to the hospital, but she couldnt move, all she could do is stay still on that chair. She was crying, not because of the pain, but she felt like burden, which i have never wanted her to feel! I kept telling her, what is the meaning of life, if i dont help the people who i love and care about deeply. We had our short moment, then i told her, the last thing we would want to do is to hurt her, and all i could ask her is for her to stay strong through out this whole process. My mother called my aunt, and told her what had happened, and my mum suggested to call the ambulance. My aunt agreed. We called the ambulance, and they came.

The flash of light when the ambulance arrived, hit me drastically. I've never pictured that at all. We had to carry my grandmother using a strecher. I helped them carry her to the ambulance. And then came the most chalenging part, "Is there anyone who is going to follow this lady to the hospital?" There i stood. My mum couldnt get into the van, as she is a polio patient herself, so i had to get into the ambulance. i was nervous, but i remembered, i am there for my grandmother, and there i was holding her hands through out the whole journey. They asked for her name, and all the details required. For a moment, i had to take actions that i;ve never actually done. I had to register my grandmother, then settle the ambulance stuff...that was tough i must say, as i was fragile at that point.

My grandmother has always been a strong and tough person. No one can stand that much of pain, without complaining. She did shed some tears, but never had she opened her mouth to complain. She is 70. To some that might be old, but honestly, when u look at what she does for us, you'll never believe her age. She took care of all 13 grandchildren, from birth till the age of 5. And now to see her bed ridden, with so much of pain, makes me wonder, why doesnt God help? Why doesnt he help people when they are in need? What sort of a torture is this?

My grandmother will be going for an operation today at 7pm. And all i'm wishing for at this moment, is for her to have the least amount of pain, and for her to stand on her two legs as soon as possible. And i hope,with God's kindness, my grandmother will be able to have a fast recovery. We hope and pray for the best! We all love you!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

appreciation...

Something we lack in this modern era. We tend to take every advantage that comes along out way, but we never seem to take a moment to thank those who helped us along the way. We walk in a lonely road, we worry about robbery and theft, but once we've passed that horrifying obstacle, we never seem to take a moment to thank God, for keeping us safe under his wings. Similarly, when a friend helps us, whether with homework or any other problems, we fail to show gratitude, we fail to make that helpful person realise how much they've helped us make our lives easier. Why is that?
What would this world be, if everyone took these good and kind hearted people for granted? What would these people feel, despite trying to help the needy? Why are we so dogmatic and never seem to understand what life is all about? Simple, why are we so self centered and selfish? Why won't we cherish the good things in life and be thankful?
Just questions, that we always seem to avoid, and seem to answer only based on the moral values we've learnt and not what we've practised as a human being. Sad, and devastating.
Take a moment to think. Take a moment to see your ability and what you can contribute to the world. If you can't contribute anything, then just take a moment to thank those who have contributed to your success and made your life more meaningful, as no one on this earth stands alone!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Everything ends in a blink of an eye..

As we grow up, we learn the definition of a few words, that will always be a guide for us, to enhance further our understanding of life. One of them is "trust". We grew up learning what trust is. In school, when a teacher elects you as a prefect, you know she trusts your ability to shine as a leader; when she gives you homework or assignments, she knows you are capable of completing it successfully. Similarly at home, when your parents have a meeting to attend, and the baby-sitter isn't around, they turn to you to take care of the younger sibling, and that is definitly because they trust your ability to do what has been instructed.

Slowly you realise, what is life without trust. We live in this country, with trust that the rulers will maintain peace and harmony. We buy food from a stall, trusting the cook to make a clean and delicious meal for us. Everything evolves around trust. What happens when the trust is lost?

We grew up trusting ourselves, remembering every obligation we have, and making sure we do what we have to do, and make decisions when we have to. But, at some point of time, we will start trusting others. Others in this context means a third party, an outsider, that has never been a part of out life ever since birth. Trusting a person can be difficult, it is never easy to trust someone we dont know head to toe about. But its never impossible. For some, it might take a month or two, whereas for other, it might take years.

When we trust that person, we share. We share everything that runs in our mind, we share our pain and sorrow, we share the sweet happy moments that we cherish, and the bitter moments we wish to forget. It builds with time. And when there is something wrong, we support and work together, as we have already built that trust. But, does this mean we should disclose the truth, does it mean we must ignore the mistakes and errors that have occured, just because we trust this person? Is it a crime to reveal the truth? Or is it just an ethic we have to practise?

And when we decide to reveal the truth, why does this trust disappear? Why does it end so fast? It takes years to build it, but a second to destroy it?

something to ponder about....

why trust fades....