Sunday, May 27, 2007

~*~HuRT DeeP iNSiDe~*~

I know, this isn't something new, i always relate my life to this, but isn't there a limit to everything? How long must i suffer with this? How long do i have to bite my teeth and just ignore these people and move on? Yes, i have to ignore, and move on. But how much can you ignore? In this sophisticated world, what people say and their comments actually do matter! From university application to job applications, everything requires a testimonial, or just comments from a third party who might know little about what is known as "your world". And the best part is that, whatever they say is the truth! Why is that?

We all have the same dream, but with different outcomes. We want success, but that depends on the individuals definition of success, Your success could be being a good and well known doctor, whereas my definition of success, could be just having a normal worries, just a smooth going one. But, why does the world look at it in the wrong way. Nowadays, its nothing surprising, people judge each other by the amount of cash they have in their wallet, the number of credit cards they can afford, the amount in their bank account. Nothing new huh? But isnt there a better meaning to life?

I'm hurt! I know the intro seems really dramatic and all, but i'm hurt. I hate it when people take actions in their own hands, i hate people jumping to conclusions, when they know nothing about me...its sick! How come people never seem to appreciate? You know the saying ,"the more you give, the more you get", totally doesnt apply in this situation. I worked hard, pleased you in many ways, made sacrifices, and what i get are all negative responses. My effort is never appreciated, the sacrifices made are just worthless to you, basically you barely take note of what i've done. I care a damn about recognition, but please, making mean remarks isnt a good way of saying thanks!

Life is too chort to be spent this way, every step we take, has an impact that never can be deleted or removed. Whether good or bad, it makes us stronger, and that is what i;ve taken this bitter memories to be. Just another life lesson. A life lesson that will always be marked in me, as i'll never wnat to go through it again...

Let it just be another passing cloud.......


I stepped into this world, always thought it was for the best. Going around, exploring this wonderful and dangerous world, i realise that i shape my world, i shape my life. Staying from a "papan" house to a brick house, experiencing life kampung style to life in the town, learning from A B C to making words and sentences...WOW! that's a progress alright! But i never grew internally. What i mean is i never actually knew what i'm capable of doing. I was living on this wonderful place without learning the little capabilities i have in me. I studies like everyone else, i did play and yea, life was without worries. But ever since i step foot in this special place, it was a new beginning for me. I met people know wanted to know me more than just knowing my name, I met people who helped me discover my inner self, I met people who were willing to give me a chance to express myself, whether good or bad, i've experienced it! Life earlier on was very predictable. Never stood out in the crowd, always had my own business to solve, never actually thought of my capability. But now, here i am standing strong with people who want to see me progress, want to see the “new” me, the bold girl who is willing to face the world!

Yesterday was a very memorable day for me. Mr. Latun gave us a treat at the “rotating” restaurant in KL Tower! It was so cool, it was my first visit to that well known tower. Yea, I was proud! It was such a nice place. There were plenty of food, and I loved the desert section best! Indulged in some chocolate fudge cake…yummy!! That made my day. It was so nice of him to spend so much on us. Never knew such dedicated and loving teachers our parents used to have actually exists in this rather dogmatic era! LOL…but yea it was good. Thanks Mr. Latun. Lol…doubt he reads my blog though! Hahahaha

Then we went to Berjaya Time Square. It was really nice and cold inside!! Lol..yea I guess that’s the disadvantage of wearing a skirt…u freeze! Hahahaha..but it was fun, we watched POTC….well it was okla..not that we’re entitled to our own opinions! I still love the first one!! After the movie, we headed back home. Kasthuri was so nice, she actually sent me back home. So sweet of her. Thanks Kas!! I must say the ride home was’s laughter, chee guan’s brains which never seems to forget science, viwa’s “govinda govinda”, and kasthuri’s sudden shock driving..LOL…was really cool!!

Lovely day!! To all my pals and teachers out there…You don’t know how much u mean to me. I cherish every sweet memory that I’ve had with you. Thanks for accepting me the way I am. I hope this sweet bond between us lasts for eternity!


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

sadness haunts, even when we're laughing loud...

Sometimes i wonder, why good things come to an end. Happiness never seems to last long. Sadness sinks in faster than lightning at times. hmmm...

We have passion. We love. Thats what we do. But why does this passion and love fade away? What is it that we've forgotten? What was our wrong move? Why won't we accept things the way they are and move on? Are we destroying every little bits and pieces of our life, or are we just securing a much better life? Why are there repeated questions of whether or not what we're going through is worth it? Why is it that, a wrong move i make destroys everything?

Am scared of time, its just moving too fast. I'm losing behind....I dont think i can keep up with it!! Why does everything end just in a blink of an eye? I cherished those beautiful moments i had, and now I'm yearning for more. I am not satisfied. I want more.

Life is never easy, even Albest Einstein said it was hard. But how hard is it? Will it be any harder? How much harder must i work to achieve "a beautiful life"? Worries after worries, some necessary, some unnecessary, some just to keep our mind at peace

Teacher's day was good. Got to see my friends, and my lovely teacherz. I hope they like what we got them. Miss those beautiful days in school. Nothing beats that feeling and happiness we had! Love them all!! Muaxx...LOL


Perpisahan- Anuar Zain

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama

Sering, kala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Masih tercari-cari…

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

i know...i dont go for malay songs, but i dunno...can relate to this song somehow..hmmm...

some things, just can't be explained!

Lately, things have been pretty weird! Everything seems to be really different, and i don't know why, whether its good or bad, i'm accepting it the way it is, and just moving on. Okay, serious check! I'm never like that. I always stop and complain. I never accept things as they are, i always question! I asked a few people about it, and i must say the response i got were so similar, and it was " you're getting matured, You've understood the cycle of life, and that somethings are just meant to be accepted the way they are". Okay..i know so weird! I'm only freaking 20..dont talk to me abt being matured and all..hahahahaha..(Its just me not accepting the fact that indirectly they're talking abt my age!!)

Life is never easy, every head turn, just brings you closer to a new problem. My parents think that i'm always so close to what i want, but i just lack luck. Whether we like it or not, we never seem to realise that there is such a thing as luck. Whether we want to accept it or not, life on earth is mere luck! You plan ur future, you take all the necessary steps, but sumtimes some things are just out of ur control! Why is that? Regrets after regrets, we only wish for a small amount of luck, enough luck to push us through all the obstacles we're facing, whether exams, interview, etc.

As much as we love learning, we must pay tribute to those who actually made us learn, those who actually thought us what learning is all about, what the mind is, wow!! the tribute goes to out great teachers! well, i know its kinda weird, from life stories to teachers? what the heck? well its just me, my mind is never in one place!! wondering mind ;P hahahaha..well am pretty excited to go to school tomorrow after so long!! they're celebrating teacher's day tomorrow1! miss that sweet environment! ahahahaha...nuthing beats school life! Well, i'll never be here without them! the credit goes to them!

c ya!

Monday, May 21, 2007

the beauty of relationships~

Okay, i know the title kinda gives the wrong impression. What i meant was the relationship between siblings, the relationship between my brother and I. Today my parents were out for some dinner, they're meeting up an old friend who just came down from Kuantan, my lovely hometown! Well, so that left me and my brother at home....with my mum's Kelisa! Hahaha...are you thinking what i'm thinking? yea...we did take the opportunity to hang out together...isnt that classic! Well yea, we had dinner together...KFC! why but all of a sudden, he was damn nice to me la.. telling me how nice i am and all to spend time with we had dinner, then we came back... we took our bath..then we went out time to one utama...went there for ice cream...baskin robbins!! lol...we took a scoop each...and drove all around taman tun and damansara perdana, eating, blasting the radio, actually did share sum secretzzz!!! can u believe dat? was weird! i never tell him stuff..coz at the end of the day it'll all come out! but this time he shared with me things that i never knew...ok..i know it is weird..but it did!! it was fun la...i needed a day out so badly...and he made my day!! hahahahaha.,... hope he;s not reading not he'll just be floating rite now!!

otherwise, the day was pretty boring, was online, had a chat with sum of my frenzzz, and lydia got me jelly beans!!! omg...i've been craving for those like for so long!!! jelly i come!!

although the day was pretty eventful, deep inside me, i had a little sadness, as i was going through my files, cleaning up the documents, and defragmenting my lappie, i came across some pictures, my class picture (U6S1) and OB Night reli good... am really missing school!! Really looking forward to this saturday!! meeting up with pals and classmates!! hope we have a great time at the luncheon!! love that name! BUFFET LUNCHEON! so sweet of mr.latun!

i miss school!! i wanna reunite!! i wanna hang out!!! come lets lepak ppl!! lets lepak b4 we all walk away to our different paths!

Saturday, May 19, 2007


okies..i know its been a while since i updated this already warning me

Well, life has been pretty eventful lately. From mother's day, to work, to accounts classes, to hospital appointments, to 'lepaking' online after about 6 days of no chatting/blogging/friendstering...due to the stupid lightning that had to strike my modem, thus causing six days of life without the internet. LOL...sounds so dramatic, well that how life is without the internet, especially for people like me who depend on it so much!! :P okay, i can live without internet k...dont jump to conclusions!!
Whether we realise it or not, sometimes an eventful day is pretty good...not only do you use ur brains to the max, you also get a good amount of sleep at the end of the! Working actually opened up my eyes, i got to see how family can be when it comes to work:P hahahaha...i also experience office politics, which isnt as great as it sounds...and yea there are the clients, and all. Working for a company is like so different, with loads of deadlines, complaints, and misunderstanding.LOL...and guess wat i get orders from its like we gotta communicate with him thru emails...haih..and australians just have problems with emails, are just terrible!! lol...
Lately i've been thinking a lot about school. I'm missing it even more right now. I miss those little chatters between friends, the gossips..(lol, yea we do gossip), the good talk and bad talk...the friendly smiles between friends, the jokes we had with some of the teachers, and the stress, and know it was bad...but look back at it now, wasn't it all worth it? All the struggle, all the heartache, all the negative finally paid off! I miss everyone...common peepzz...its the time to reunite!! coz after this, we're all be going on our own path...our own road towards success!! Wouldn't it be good if the whole school could just reunite for a day? awww...i reli want that!!
Currently, am addicted to grey's anatomy, and i think they're startin a new season of One Tree Hill...desperate housewives are okla..but nuthin like the first season. hmm...heroes is kinda cool too, so is prison break, but cant quite follow those two sometime soon..
my mind is wondering! Milo ice by my side, and two chapatis in my stomach, wow...i'm full! Love simple dinnerz!!
Can't wait for this saturday!! lunch/tea with Mr. Latun. LOL...its a date alrite...i just confirmed with him dat i'll be attending the function. Can't wait, he was one of the best teacher we had... we used to joke in class, and to be honest, he never stressed us out, but some how or another, we actually make it a point to complete his work in time, wait!! this is weird...he must be using sum never forced anyone..but yet we did it in time...why ar? lol... Those were the days....i hated colouring the graphs and to him i got an A...
Confused at the moment, going for a dinner tomolo...dunno wat to wear...i've just messed up my closet! lol...we all know, when there's a mess, there is cleaning up to do too... man...if only cleaning up was as easy as messing it!! crappy
dats all for now...i'm feeling normal heartache/depression/ think i'm happy...but i'm not sure why...hmmm....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


Your Birthdate: April 29

You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move.

It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone.

Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.


There she stood by the window, waiting for his arrival. She has been feeling really low lately, thinking a lot about her relationship. Everything seemed so faint...she couldn't remember the last time she cuddled in his arms. Sudden glimpse on her past, when "love was in the air", all the cuddling that kept her warm, all the kisses that brought smiles on her face, all the support she got from him, physically and mentally. She missed all those. But she stayed strong. She stood by the window, looking out, finding for her man. She seemed anxious, she looked high and low, he wasn't there. Her face showed disappointment. She was determined that her love will come, will come to her. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee, sat comfortably in her velvet sofa. As she sipped her coffee, she was smiling. They were walking along the streets of Kuala Lumpur. It was a night of sharing. They talked, discussed, and discovered each other inside out. From the bad habits, to the likes and dislikes. They walked and talked. It was the time she enjoyed most, and that was when she realised how special he is, and how much she'd love to lean over his arms. She wanted a man, a man who could stand by her, a man who trusted her, and knew what she wanted. She never loved him for his money. nor his job, not even for gifts, chocolates, flowers, etc. All she wanted was a person to stand by her back, to celebrate when she's happy and to have her back when she falls. That was the day she decided, that he would be her man. That was their first date together. "Knock" "Knock", it was the door. she rushed and opened it, praying hard it was him. As soon as she saw him, she smiled, welcoming him into the house. he never bothered looking at her face, she was sad, but she made herself understand, that he was tired, and that he needed a break. She kept her smile, taking his coat, serving him a glass of water to quench is thirst. She made him dinner, but he declined. She tried being a little forceful about having dinner, he snapped and left the room. She was dissappointed once again, but she kept on smiling. As he was about to hit the bed, she approached him, asking him how was work and all, hoping to get a little attention that she's been waiting for ever since the day started. All he did was nod his head, and asked her to leave him, he wanted to sleep. She gave him another smile, tucked him to bed, and wished him good night. She left the room, and started tearing. It was their aniversary. She went to the kitchen, blew out the candles she used to decorate the kitchen, hoping to create a romantic environment, and she started throwing away all the food she had been preparing the night before. As she pushed the food prepared into the rubish bin, she remembered, she has been going through the same pain for the past 5 years, and they have been together for 6 yrs. All she could do is cry, and look at herself. She always blamed herself, she always told herself, dat the man she loves deserves someone much better than her, and she sumtimes feel so disgusted with herself. She cleared the dining table, and decided to hit the bed. She entered the room once again, there he was, the man she loves, lying on the bed, fast asleep. she washed her legs, and lied beside him. She whispered to his ears, "Happy Aniversary". She also whispered how much she loves him, and that she feels sad that he has lost all the interest he once had for her. Then she turned the other side, and closed her eyes.

The next morning, he found her lifeless on bed. She died.

Question: Is it love or lust?

Question: Is love actually everlasting?

Question: Why do we always blame ourselves?

Questions: Is this the meaning of life?

Just questions, without answers......

Believe in yourself, and love yourself, there is no one who can love u as much as u love yourself.

Monday, May 07, 2007

strength to to build that?

i went for a funeral yesterday. Funeral, a word we all fear whether we believe in God or not. Everything seems so black and sad, from the environment, to the people, to the plants. At that moment, it feels like the whole world is mourning. There i stood, curious, observing the procession, listening to the mantras, and i started chanting myself. There i stood praying for the best for everyone, especially for a friend of mine who has lost his source for comfort and guidance, his dear grandfather. This friend of mine lost his dad about 9 years ago, when he was in std. 5. His family was a very happy one, always so bubbly, we were very close to each other. we all used to meet up( his family and mine) and most of the time, we'd meet up for durian, cause his mum used to be the best "durian opener". When he lost his father, when his father who was a dear friend to my dad passed away, their grandfather was their source of comfort. He taught them, he loved them, he was like a dad to them. He was always there for them. It was hard, I could see it on his face, sadness, he lost both, a dear father and a grandfather. I caught a glimpse of him, he was strong, he stood strong, helping around to fulfill every need during the prayers and all, but he did break down when his grandfather was escorted into a van, that would take that innocent man's body to the crematorium. Looking at them cry, and letting that great man leave, hit me for a second, as to how much they're suffering with the loss.

Well to this great friend of mine and his family, i'm sorry for your lost. This is the cycle of life and i hope you'll all stay strong as this is just another hurdle we'll have to face in life!

stay strong my dear friend.

Friday, May 04, 2007

how long will you stand by me?

Will love ever fade away? Will they realise what they mean to you? What are you to them?

Random questions that normally run in my mind. Sadly i've got no answers. I've always thought that life is sweet, although filled with loads of negative elements, it's still wonderful, cause we have the people we love by our sides. But have you ever thought how life will be when these people turn their backs at you? Have you ever thought that they might just give up one day and ignore you for the rest of ur life? Will there be anyone left to love and care for you as much as they have given you? How long will love last? should we prepare, so that we won;t be hurt? I cant prepare...cause i'm just too dependant on them...the love i have for these group of people that i love and care about are just too much for me to ignore, and prepare for the worst. But i wonder if they actually know...hmm...i wonder if they actually realise tat there is someone who actually prays for their well-being beyond themselves. I look really strong, hard-headed, bold person...but deep inside, my heart shatters too...i'm weak emotionally. It difficult for me to show affection, or love cause honestly its just the way i am...i dont know how to show love. Sometimes, its sad when people misunderstand my actions, as if i had no care and love for them...i bet this is a common problem, not too all but maybe just to some. So what do we do? how do we make ourselves show? why do people jump to conclusions? sometimes it kills us deep inside, just feels like running away! But where to? How long are we going to runaway from this? Will it heal through time? or will it be just another bitter memory that will haunt us for the rest of our lives? I make mistakes, we all do. But does this mean u should be blamed all the time, or you should be portrayed as the "bad person"? hmm...just questions without answers! hmmm...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

love has no boundaries!

This is what is portrayed in this movie, "Mozhi". "Mozhi" is a tamil word that means language. This is a simple, cute, entertaining and a heart warming movie that stresses the fact of human emotions beyond linguistic barriers. This movie will definitely win your hearts, and might even give you a new perspective to love and relationships. Denial, sacrifices, pain and rejection is portrayed as part of relationship, and is easily solved, with a wide smile on their faces. Not being able to communicate like others, the loving couple which starts of as friends, takes the initiative of learning sign language as well as mouth movements to understand each other. This is clearly a good movie, especially those who are finding love, and those who are currently in a relationship. Basically it teaches you how to value your loved one, beyond their flaws. A must watch movie!! Okay, i know its in tamil and many dont really understand the language, try getting a cd with subtitles, its worth it! [well thats in my opinion]

Okay, back to business. Well i must say i'm now a big 20 to all my friends who took the initiative to sms/call/email/comment...for my b;day...i really appreciate it!! Your all really special to me!! Thanks so much for the love!! big celebrity only!! hahahahhaa...well thanks once a guys made my day!! well gtg now..catch ya'll soon..


ps: if u wanna know more on this beautiful tamil movie, "Mozhi"(pronounced as Molie) feel free to click on the title of this post!

i have been tagged!!

lol...all thanks too ms.kasthuri! hahahaha....well here goes...


~handphone: for communication purposes~
~purse...always a needed when there's cash in it~
~lip balm...u cant hang around with dry lips can ya?~
`~loadzz of coins~


~IC: very important!!! later kena tangkap...pendatang asing:P~
~license~ me the money!!!~
~calendar...yea incase i forget the date~:P


~my lappie: i am so glued to it!!~
~my radio: wats life without music?~
~my beautiful yellow wall light that makes my room so romantic at times:P~
~my wardrobe: clothes!!!~
~my side table which has candles and nice decorative items...hahahah~


~ get a new handphone~
~ go on a holiday!!!~
~ walk around kay elle in one day!!! wanna join?:P~
~ i've always wanted to buy bootzzz!!! u know those murderer';s boots!! haahaha...




~ezreena...ur my first victim!!~
~natalie...who has not updated her blog for a while~
~dharmahla...who has not been blogging for a while too..~
~pui san...ur next in this ok?~'ve not done it on ur friendster blog yet:P~

hahahahah...have fun ppl~