Saturday, December 29, 2007

L.O.V.E

Cheerful, Happy, Beautiful. These were the adjectives used by her friends every time they saw her. She would be so cheerful, till everyone starts questioning, what actually is going on in her life. She would share her happiness with everyone, until people called her mad. She would look her best, as if she was meeting the king, and that too made many jealous.

Friend 1: Wow you look so vibrant. Whats up?
She : Nothing much, but just love!
Friend 1: Love?
She : *Giggles*

She is the first child of a middle class family who thinks education is the key of success. She never pictured herself falling in love and all, because she knew, her main goal in life was to be successful, if not for herself, at least for her parents. She knew, it wasnt easy for her parents, raising up 2 children in such a big town. So all she did was to try fulfilling all her obligations.

But, what she never knew was that there is this little feeling in her heart, which cannot be controlled, as it strikes when the time is right. And that little feeling was love. She met him online, she thought it would be just another anonymous chat friend who would just make her night more eventful besides keeping her company. She did describe herself, hoping to catch his attention, but what she failed to realise was that she lied virtually every important detail of herself, and this was because she never knew that she would ever talk to this same guy again. But, as much as she loved the company, she loved the attention he gave her. So, they spent their days and nights, talking to each other, about their lives, and their pleasures.

As time passed, she fell in love with him. She would rush back exactly in time to have a short chat with him, to tell him her eventful schedules of the day, as well as to show him how much she loved him. She told him everything, every little detail about herself, so that he would accept her the way she was. She was worried, that someday he might be dissappointed with what she has to offer. The problem, or so called "problem" was that she never felt the love from a third party, especially from a man. He loved her so much, and she loved it, the feeling of being loved by someone.

She: Baby, you make me feel so complete
He : You complete my life too hun
She: I wonder what the future holds for us...
He : Trust me baby, i know, the future is bright for us both... just stay with me baby..
She: I will baby, for eternity... I love you!
He : I love u too.

Thats love. No word describes how great it feels, cause really, no one adjective can describe "LOVE" in a whole. The only way to understand it, is to feel it with that one person you love.

Dont be afraid to fall in love, cause once you're in it, its wonderful...

Love u lotz...

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

blogthings~

You Were Pretty Average This Year

You Were 55% Naughty, 45% Nice

You tried to be a good girl this year...
But as you know, being good isn't that fun!
If you're extra sweet, you may have enough time to get on that nice list.


You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.
You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.
However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.
Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.


Your Kissing Grade: A-

You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!


Start Hunting For That New Apartment

You two are ready to live together - and probably have been for a while
You're a perfect match, even if you don't agree on everything
What's important is compromise... a skill you and your guy have mastered
So head out to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's time for your new life together!


Keep Him :-)

This guy's got marriage on the brain - and should propose soon...
That is, if you play your cards right. Keep doing what you're doing.
Marriage material guy doesn't like drama - or hot today, cold tomorrow relationships.
So keep it flowing peacefully, and you'll capture his heart.

How to make sure you're ready: Make sure that you love marriage minded guy because he's a fantastic catch - not because he's eager to walk down the aisle.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Beautiful love notez~

Here are some beautiful love notez, written by a man to the woman he loves...

Note 1

My beautiful baby girl, I am missing you terribly. It pains my heart not to be able to share everything in my life with you, but time and distance cheat us. It is only my love for you that keeps me going these days baby. Only that. Tho oceans place us far apart, and the constraints of daily life prevent us from being as close as I would like, I dwell in that hope, nay, that certainty, that I shall son have you in my arms to hold.
Oh baby, if you only knew how this poor heart of mine strains daily, stretched to its limits from holding back all this love. Tell me how, my darling, how I can show you the extent of my love for you... I will do anything to make you happy. My whole life is now a kaleidoscope of our memories, a mosaic of our dreams together; even tho' we have only known each other for a relatively brief time, I feel as if we had already spent many lifetimes together. Such is the impact you have made on me, my wife.
Please come to me soon. I crave you.
Love,
hubby

Note 2


Hello my darling wife, how have you been. I hope everything is well with you baby. Just wanted to tell you how much I love you, how pretty you appear to me in my dreams, how much my arms ache from not being able to hold you. If I were only the wind, so I could be always pressed against your face, touseling your hair. If I were only the water that bathes you, the bedsheets that cover you, the food you eat, the lipstick you use. So I could always be with you, never parted.

Your ever loving husband


Note 3


My loving wife. The day has been dreary and cold, more so without you. I sigh and breathe a heavy air, dense and unbreathable without your presence. I run our conversations over and over again in my mind, finding within them only temporary relief from my solitude.
My baby, I wonder how you have been doing. How those endeavours of yours progress. I know you have been hectic and busy, but I soon hope that you might find a little time within them to drop me a line or perhaps even log on a bit.
Anyways, I hope that everything is well.
Love, and have strength, for soon we shall be united,

your Prince.


Beautiful aint it? Thats love. Remember to always write to the person u love, and make it as original as u can, cause that potrays whats in the heart.

Love! Cause nothing feels as good as it.

Love ya!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

My presence~

I came into this world,
Not knowing what to expect and what the purpose was,
But i was aware, what is taught is what is meant to be practised,
And that was it, the basic essence of life..

But then, as i grew,
I realised that sometimes we have to think and react,
And sometimes this goes against our believes and practices,
What do we do?
We start comforting ourselves,
Thinking that our loved ones will understand,
Every little action we take and the reasons that back up the issue,
But, That is what we hope,
What do we do when they go against it?

I always thought i made u happy.
I always thought you were proud of me,
I always thought you were my source of encouragement,
I always thought you would give me a chance to prove my stand in this world,
I always thought some where in that little heart, you understood me..

But, No.
Fights after fights,
Arguments, misunderstandings,
Silent moments fill the room, and all i have now, is just guilt...
I'm sorry for not being the way u want me to be,
I'm sorry if i am such a big dissappointment,
I'm sorry for not being the perfect person to make u happy,
I'm sorry if i've failed in your test...

Cause honestly, this is all i can do...
But be happy that you have the world behind your back for support...
Be happy that people still love and care for you..
Be cheerful about enjoying every sweet bit of happiness..
And make sure you keep your loved ones close...

cause here i am standing alone,
wanting a shoulder to cry on,
wanting someone by my side,
to bring my spirits up,
so that i can stand up strong again...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Why Women Cry?

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are
you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she
told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom
just hugged him and said, "And you never
will."

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all
his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When
God got on the phone, he asked, "God,
why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be
special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to
carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure
childbirth and the rejection that many
times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to
keep going when everyone else gives up,
and take care of her family through
sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her
children under any and all
circumstances, even when her child has
hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry he! r
husband through his faults and fashioned
her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good
husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her
resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.
This is hers exclusively to use whenever
it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty
of a woman is not in the clothes she
wears, the figure that she carries, or
the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in
her eyes, because that is the doorway to
her heart - the place where love resides."

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Trust?

The she stood by the window, thinking of the little happiness she's feeling deep inside her these past few days. She was happy, as she was loved. She felt how sweet and wonderful it was to fall in love. There she stood by the window, looking back at all her conversations with the man she loved. All he did was love her the way she was, and she would always go through over and over again the conversations they had together as it meant so much to her.


She: thanks for loving me this way...
He: ur special baby
She: u make me feel so happy
He: you make me feel special too for deserving ur love
She: my love is nothing compared to urs and thanks so much baby for loving me...
He: baby, ur love is everything to me
She: ur love is what is keeping me going
He: babes, I love you

And yes, they argued, on whose love is bigger. Their daily routine was as normal, but every 12 hours, they meet online, and chat for about 2-3 hours, telling each other how much love meant to them, planning a future together, and how much they can't live without each other. Wow, i know, sounds like a fairy tale or something!

As time passed, they realised, what love was about. Sounds so much like a fairy tale doesn't it, but the truth is that, they became one due to their differences. They were different in many ways, and many times, they got into arguments and misunderstandings, due to their differences. However, what this contributed to their relationship was stregth, as they grew much closer to one another. They always were aware of their differences. She is the eldest child in a middle class family which encourages children to love education, very religious and gives culture the most importance, has very good moral values and practices, very caring. He on the other hand is the youngest child of a well-to-be family, which also is religious, and promotes lots of loving deeds within the family, making them very loving people, always thinking of the well-being of all the people within the nucleus family as well as the people around them.

They grew much closer to each other, sharing each others future dreams to have a wonderful future, they spoke about their education, her dream of being a researcher and him being a successful engineer. They even talked about them being a couple, how they'd make their parents accept what they have between them. They even spoke about building a family together, and that kept them alive, to expect a wonderful life with each other. It was beautiful. They wrote each other little notes and that made them eagerly in love...


But what the guy didnt know is that, the gal never had any trust in him at the beginning. She never pictured herself in love, and she never expected herself to fall in deep. She said a few lies, and she thought it was normal. He did the same, he tested her as to how loyal she is. Finally, he did confess his mistakes and lies. But the gal didnt do that. She never thought things could work out, because she knew, her parents wouldnt approve of anything of that sort, as to her family, education is of great importance, and everything else comes in second. She played along, but what she failed to realise is that she loved him, she liked the way he treated her, the way he loved her, they way he understood her. She looked forward for every meeting, every online conversation, every little detail of the relationship. She was in love, she loved the feeling and she eventually opened herself up. She talked to him, told him everything abt herself, except for the little lies she said before, such as her name and other biodata details. She cried every night, thinking of how she could open up to him, but she couldnt, cause he kept saying how happy he was to see her online. She didnt want to hurt him, but she knew eventually she'll have to open up eventually.

She cries every night, worried that he might leave her for the lies she has said. She was bold, cause she knew,she can never keep the secrets any longer, as she feels like she's cheating him and that its against the trust they have in such a beautiful relationship. She finally told him, she confessed everything, telling him that she never meant to lie, but she never had faith in the relationship they had. But she confessed that now, she is madly in love with him, and that he is the key of her happiness. He stood there, speechless, with watery eyes, looking her directly in the eye.

He: How could you? How could u keep something like that away from me?
She: I'm so sorry baby. I never meant to keep it away from you. It was just that i
said that lie from the beginning,and i didnt know how to correct them, as i was
worried about losing you. But now i know, its important for me to tell you what
happened, so that i dont cheat you, or cheat this beautiful precious
relationship that we have between us.
He:So what do i do now? What should i do, you said u trust me, what happened to that?

All she did was she cried. She told him it was totally her fault and that she has no other way to help minimize the situation. She fell on his leg, asking for forgiveness, and all he did was walk away... and he's not come back ever since...

She is still waiting in anticipation, regresting every little mistake she made...

Trust! An important element in a relationship.

What is trust?
Trust is:

Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you.

Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.

Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.

Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake.

The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe.

The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other.

The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.

The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.

Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things.

The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.



Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?

People have trouble developing trust if they have:

Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect.

Been chronically put down for the way they feel or for what they believe.

Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the future.

Had problem relationships in the past where they were belittled, misunderstood, or ignored.

Experienced the loss of a loved one through death. They can get so caught up in unresolved grief that they are unable to open themselves up to others, fearing they will be left alone again due to death, or, abandonment.

Experienced a hostile or bitter divorce, separation, or end of a relationship. They may be unable to believe anyone who opens up to them in a new, committed relationship.

Been reared in or have lived in an environment emotionally and/or physically unpredictable and volatile.

Experienced a great deal of pain at the hands of another. Even if the other finally recognizes and accepts the responsibility to change such behavior, the person fears that if they let their guard down, the pain and hurt will begin again.

Low self-esteem and cannot believe that they are deserving of the attention, care, and concern of anyone. They have problems even trusting the positive, healthy, and reinforcing behavior of another who is sincere.

Experienced a great deal of non-provoked victimization in their lives. They are unwilling to trust people, situations, or institutions for fear of being victimized again.



What are some beliefs of people who have problems trusting?

I have been hurt too much in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again now or in the future!

People are out to get all they can from you, so avoid them to survive!

As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again!

No one is to be trusted!

You always get hurt by the ones you love!

I get no respect from anyone!

All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted!

Everyone is out to get me!

I am never successful in picking partners, so why try again!

As soon as you care and open up to someone, they will always leave you!

Marriage is the pits!

There is no such thing as a healthy relationship!

You can never let your guard down because all hell will break loose!

All reformations are short-lived!

If I give in and believe you have truly changed, relaxing my defenses, I am most certainly going to be hurt again once you backslide!

There is no such thing as change in behavior. It is only manipulation by others to get their way with you!

Everyone is out to get as much as they can out of you!

There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!

It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!

I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!



What behavioral traits do people need in order to develop trust?

People need to develop the following behavior traits, attitudes, and beliefs in order to develop trust:

Hope in the goodness of mankind: Without such hope people can become emotionally stuck, reclusive, and isolated. Hope in goodness is a change based on the willingness to take a risk that all people are not evil, bad, or ill-willed.

Faith in the fairness of life: This faith in fairness is similar to the ``boomerang belief,'' that what you throw out to others will come back to you eventually in life. So if people are fair, honest, or nurturing they will eventually receive similar behavior aimed back at them. Having faith in fairness is an attitude that helps people be open to others and risk being vulnerable. They believe that the person who treats them negatively will eventually ``get it in the end!'' and be punished in someway later in this life or in the next.

Belief in a power greater than yourself: This is the acceptance of a spiritual power with greater strength, wisdom, and knowledge than you; one with a divine plan to include your experience, whatever you will encounter in life. Rather than believing that you are 100% in control of your destiny, belief in this spiritual power enables you to let go of over responsibility, guilt, and anger. This lets you accept God's will in your life and enables you to let go of your distrust and isolation from others. If God is in control of the universe, you can lighten your load and let God do some of the leading in your life. `"Let go and let God,'' can be your motto.

A healing environment: This is the creating of a trust bond with the significant others in your personal life where blaming, accusing, and acrimony do not exist. In the healing mode the participants actively use forgiveness, understanding, and healthy communication to resolve problems and issues. The participants are then willing to forget, to let go, and to release themselves of the past hurts, wounds, and pain, opening themselves to trust one another.

Reduction of a sense of competition: This reducing of competition, jealousy, and defensiveness with significant others in your life is a way to reduce the barriers between you and them. The lowering of these psychological barriers is essential to the movement toward development of mutual trust.

Self-disclosure of negative self-scripts: Your disclosing of your inability to feel good about yourself and your perceived lack of healthy self-esteem are essential in reducing miscommunication or misunderstanding between you and the significant others in your life. This self-disclosure reveals to the others your perspective on obstacles you believe you bring to relationships. This sheds the mask of self-defensiveness and allows the other to know you as you know yourself. It is easier to trust that which is real than that which is unreal or hidden.

Taking a risk to be open to others: This enables you to become a real person to others. It is an essential behavior in trust-building between two people because it is the establishing of the parameters of strengths and weaknesses on which you have to draw as the relationship develops.

Becoming vulnerable: This enables you to be hurt by others who know your weaknesses and strengths. This is an essential step in trust-building between people. It lays the cards on the table in a gamble that in such total self-revelation the others will accept you for who you really are rather than for who they want you to be. In order to get to full self-disclosure you must take the risk to be vulnerable to others. This is an important building block in trust development.

Letting go of fear: Fear restricts your actions with others. Letting go frees you of behavioral constraints that can immobilize your emotional development. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of caring, fear of success, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown, and fear of intimacy are blocks to the development of trust relationships and can impede relationship growth if not given appropriate attention and remedial action.

Self-acceptance: Accepting who you are and what your potential is an important step in letting down your guard enough to develop a trusting relationship with others. If you are so insecure in your identity that you are unable to accept yourself first, how can you achieve the self-revelation necessary to develop trust? Self-acceptance through an active program of self-affirmation and self-love is a key to the development of trust.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Women and Men~

Nice one. Read it! :D

PART ONE:

Women: Give thanks for men! By Dan Bova

OK, so we have our faults: Forgetting anniversaries, forgetting to put the seat down, and a whole bunch of other important things I’m forgetting. But before you go wishing for a world devoid of us big dumb apes, take a minute to reflect on all the joy we bring to your world. Like duct tape, dudes have all kinds of helpful uses, like…

1. We do gross things you don’t want to do
Got a bug that needs squishing? A clogged drain that needs snaking? In this day and age of women doing it for themselves, every once in a while, it’s nice to sit back and let a guy feel like a “real man” and do your dirty work for you. Whether we’re sweating our butt off hefting air conditioners into your bedroom window or carrying heavy cases of bottled water from the car to the house, dudes are not above getting grimy for your affection.

2. Our constant desire to have sex with you has got to be good for your ego
Maybe our attempts to have quickies before you run out the door for work aren’t exactly romantic, but what can we say, you drive us wild! What could be a better boost for your self-image than a dude who wants to spend as much time as humanly possible in the presence of your nakedness?

3. We’ll never tell you that you look fat in those jeans
No matter how many times you ask or what size they are, the answer will always be unilaterally, unequivocally NO.

4. We’re easy to please
Fancy dinners? Pricey presents? Save your dough. To bring a big smile to your fella’s face, follow this simple equation: One beer + one couch = happy man.

5. We keep you up to date on all the latest gadgets
You don’t want a TV set bigger than your dining-room table? Fine, but we’ll let you know when your computer is hopelessly outdated and which new cell phone doubles as an MP3, takes pictures, and reminds you to call your mom on her birthday all at the same time. It’s like having your own personal electronics consultant—for free!

6. You can squeeze our arms as hard as you like during the scary parts of movies
And aside from making great stress squeeze balls at the multiplex, we’re also good to call in the middle of the night when you think you hear some gigantic mouse sneaking around downstairs. No man will say no to a late-night trip to your place because (a) We care about you and want to make sure you’re OK and (b) The potential for sex is way too high to pass up.

7. Our old college T-shirts are the most comfortable pajamas in the universe
See? There’s a very good reason that we refuse to throw them out.

8. We make you laugh your butt off
Sometimes, being an overgrown three-year-old has its benefits, like all the weird website links we forward you to break up your boring day at work.

9. Whenever you’re upset about work, our response is always, “Your boss is an f-ing idiot.”
Dudes see things in black and white. We’re not all about understanding the subtleties and layers of an argument. If you’re having problems at your job, we won’t play psychoanalyst and try to get to the root of the problem. We won’t try to figure out if you are doing anything to make the situation worse: If your boss is pissing you off, your boss is obviously a jerk and doesn’t deserve to have you onboard.

10. We nearly always make the first move
Asking someone out, leaning in for that first kiss—all instances that can result in ego-destroying rejection. But even the meekest of men are willing to take the risk when a beauty like you steps into our lives. So sit back and enjoy watching us tremble.

PART TWO:

Guys: Give thanks for women! By Nina Malkin

Sure, we can be a pain in the butt sometimes. Sure, there’s the nagging, the nosiness, the PMS mood swings and those easily injured feelings. But guys, think for a moment about all the wonderful things we ladies do. From the pains we take to be aesthetically pleasing to how we kiss it and make it all better, we women do rock. Let us count the ways!

1. Like it or not, we groom you for a real relationship
Whether it’s the mom who taught you to respect us, the sister who told you our secrets, or even the last girl who dumped you because you weren't ready to settle down, the women in your life help to shape you into the best man you can possibly be. So that when you meet The One, you’ll be ready, willing and able.

2. We’re sympathetic
Before we try to solve the problem (as men tend to do), we acknowledge it. We say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but a world without women’s compassion and understanding would be a pretty cold place.

3. We’re extraordinary ego-boosters
If it seems as though women are forever fishing for compliments, it’s because they’re nice to hear, especially when they’re sincere. That’s why we dole them out—about how handsome you look in that suit, how awesome you are at air hockey, how mind-blowing you are in bed, et cetera.

4. We’re soft
Soft hair, soft lips, soft skin… and so forth. All in all, it’s a pretty huggable package.

5. We keep your social life hopping
Before there were Palm Pilots, there were women. We organize, we schedule, we remember. Admit it—you get out a whole lot more and have a more interesting life when you’re dating someone who wants to do something besides sit home and watch TV all the time.

6. We listen
The stereotype of woman as chatterbox is unfair. OK, scratch that—we do love to talk. But not in a vacuum. That’s why we’re always urging you to talk; we believe in communication and that means we want to listen, too. Go ahead, open up—tell us what you were like as a little kid and how you plan to save the world.

7. We have a civilizing influence
Yes, you probably could survive in a bachelor pad adorned with nothing but a TV and a six-pack in the fridge. But once a woman enters the picture, prepare to see some improvements even if you’re not living together yet. Due to our nest-feathering instincts, we strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only use sheets but change them regularly. Ahhhh!

8. We inspire you to shoot for gold
Think it’s an accident the Muses were all women? Somebody’s got to encourage your rock opera, psyche you up before that job interview, and root for your basketball team. We do it because we recognize your potential and know you can achieve your goals. And we want to cheer you on.

9. We make worthy opponents
Yeah, yeah, we’re soft and sweet most of the time. But engage us in battle, and we will tear your #%$^@ing head off. So be thankful — be very, very thankful — that we like you right now.

10. If you want kids someday, we’re usually willing to have them
And the labor pains. And the stretch marks. And in between, the periods. You’re welcome.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

friendship?

What we feel when we meet a new person, is like opening a new page of a book. Eager to know what he/she is all about, excited about the wonderful and enjoyable activities we're going to share with one another, and so on. But what we fail to realise is the negative side. Its a 50-50 thing. It could be good, it could be bad. Definitly you open the page thinking and praying for something new and good to happen. That is what i did. That is what i thought i did. But what i failed to realise is that "all good things do come to an end". Nothing stays the way its supposed to be, or nothing will ever be like how it used to be. Similarly the mind and the feelings of a human being.
What we expect of friendship regardless of the time spend or the amount of time we share with each other, is just another form of support. Will there be anyone behind our back? Will there be someone for us to share both our happiness and sadness? That is the question we ask ourselves day by day hoping that every little believe we have in our friendship actually works out. We pray each and everyday for our friends, we hope for the best, we give all we have as a sign of sharing and caring, we are always there by their side, but the question is whether or not they will follow your back when you leave? or will they just leave you alone, while you walk that lonely road?
Whether we realise it or not, our actions, one by one shows how much we believe in friendship. FRIENDS ARE NOT PEOPLE YOU JUST SHARE LAUGHTER AND JOY WITH, AND FRIENDS ARE NOT PEOPLE WHO ARE BENEFITIAL TO YOU. FRIENDS ARE THOSE WHO STAND BY YOUR SIDE, AND KNOW YOUR CAPABILITIES REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO SAY ABOUT YOU. FRIENDS ARE THOSE WHO YOU SHARE ALL YOUR HAPPINESS, SADNESS, WORRIES AND ANGER WITH. FRIENDS ARE THE CLOSEST YOU CAN HAVE TO YOU, WHOM YOU CAN SHARE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN WITH.
I believe strongly in this proverb: "Friends come and go in life, but only true friends leave footsteps in ur heart".

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Worries, killing me bit by bit~

here i'm sitting again by the window, thinking about what has happened lately in my life, and what is about to happen. My grandmother(paternal) has been diagnosed with 2nd stage skin cancer and she will be undergoing a surgery to remove the cancer cells today at 7.30am. Its 3am and i can barely get any sleep. I'm so worried about what is going to happen. I've not seen her eversince the cancer was diagnosed, and now she's aalready getting ready for surgery, and i'm still here, have not seen her yet. All i'm doing is thinking blankly about what is about to happen. I'm worried, i cant deny it. I'm a human being, and i guess its normal. I'm worried, but at the same time i'm feeling optimistic, hoping for the best to happen. I hope everything goes well! I hope everything goes well. Oh God, please, i'm hoping for the best to happen, i hope she recovers and i hope to see her soon. I hope this small request will be fulfilled. I also hope my family will be doing well in this situation too.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

he i sit, thinking more and more about what will happen this week, as i am officially going to have a very eventful week. whether i'm going to ike it or not is secondary, the question now is whether i can face everything all at once. strength is something we think we have before we face something, but you just dont know how much it will kill you as you face every step. Events of the week:

Sunday: Biochemistry Lab Report, Gotta study for Biochem Lab Finals. Entrepreneur Assignment.

Monday: Pass up Biochemistry Lab Report, Genetics Lab Class, Entrepreneur assignment.

Tuesday: Biochemistry Lab Exam

Thursday, September 13, 2007

the essence of my life...

going on a flash back. That is what has been going on in my mind these past few days. Thinking a lot about how things used to be, how perfect i thought my life was. Never have i ever thought in my entire life, i'd be one day sitting down next to the window thinking of the past, and to cherish all those good times, hahaha... really funny. Sometimes i wonder if i actually appreciated what i had. Never have i felt so much regret in my life, but now, i am. Sitting here wondering every bit of my life.

All i remember was the laughter, the love we had between us. I dont know what it was, but the chemisry was good. Thinking over and over again about you and all those that made my life so eventful. Thank you. Cause all those happiness i had, all the feeling i felt, all the beautiful memories, all that you've all given me, is what drives me these days. Never have i felt so much pain in my life. Never have i cried this much before. All i do is regret, why didnt i cherish those great moments i had earlier in my life.

Its not just the people, but am trying to adapt to the environment. I miss what i used to have. I miss what we had. I am missing everyone, and every bit of happiness i used to have. I miss all of it! Now i wish for it all to come back.

Will it?

just hopes....just hopes and dreamzz....

Sunday, September 09, 2007

when everything seems so wrong...

Life. Something i often write about in my blog. Something i always tend to discuss about with friends and family. Its an evolving thing, An evolving circle. Nothing stays the same. Everything changes in a blink of an eye. And that is when u realise who actually is telling the truth, and who lies. Things never seem to stay the same. As we grow, we tend to learn more and more about the career we've chosen to run, the people we've chosen to love, and the life we've chosen to live. We make choices, but rarely we get to decide, whether or not it is for the best, or its just another step of life. We choose, considering the best and worst options we have in life, and we decide to take the road that matches the situation and mood. We pass through that road, shockingly we find obstacles, that we sometimes think can be avoided. But being strong, optimistic and determined human beings, we tend to put out head up and go with the flow. Yes, we do look back and wonder what if we took the other road, the road not taken? What would life be on the other side? Curiosity kills the cat, but the hurdles we pass through in a ourney, makes us stronger and allows us to complete it. Thats what we do, Thats what we are supposed to do.

Realising my obligations and responsibilities, i do act according to situations, i do analyze and think it out before i take any actions, as it could not only affect me, but affect the people i love. But sometimes, i seem to need that little guidance and support. I need to have that extra push... which i seem to lack when i am all alone. The people who are here on earth to give me support are just not by my side. i NEED to learn how to manage this. I have to grow up. But how? Is it another trial and error process?

just questions....

But, i'm finding for answers.....

Friday, August 31, 2007

life : both tough and fun~ ;)

Wokay... life has been pretty eventful and interesting lately. UpDaTeZ!

~ Chapter One: Exams!~

* Genetics exam was no so great. The lecturer(Prof. Itam Sulaiman-just gotta state his name) apparently said that the questions will be MCQ(Multiple choice questions) but, at the end of the day, it wasn't! There were subjective questions. I wasn't shocked la, thank god i studied.

SCORE: 74/100 HIGHEST: 87/100 CONCLUSION: CUKUP MAKAN LOR!


* Chemistry Quiz: Chapter 4, a chapter i can never seem to like i think. But since its a quiz and it only contributes one mark to the final exams, there will oni be one question. And walla, the question that my tutor gave as a quiz was one of the questions from our tutorial.

SCORE: 10/10 HIGHEST: 10/10 (MANY PPL GOT THAT, NO BIGGY)

* Biochemistry quiz. Biochemistry is one of the toughest paperz, so much of memorising to do, just so impossible to remember everything last minute. Wasn't very prepared for this paper, but thank god, the Lecturer Dr. Normi Yahaya kept to her words, everything was MCQ. The paper was okla, but doubt i can get full marks... i see mistakes already!

SCORE: NOT OUT YET

* Upcoming exams:
# Chemistry Quiz: 6/9/07 => Chapter 5 :'(
# Chemistry Exam: 7/9/07 => Chapter 1-5 :'(
# Genetics Test : 18/9/07 => DNA!!!

~ Chapter Two : Major Events!~

* 26/07/08: Interaction Day- Persatuan Kebudayaan India USM(Penang)

#PART ONE: MORNING SESSION
=> Games! All the first years were invited for some activities early in the morning. The games were really good and fun. It made us bond with each other, cause there are quite many of us who don't really know the whole lot of students. They had treasure hunt i think(which i missed due to some matters:P), followed by making the tallest building with straws, quizes, and etc. Was really good, as the only way for a team to win is for them to work together as a team. At the end, my team won 2 games. Two hampers were awarded to us, one for the gals, one for the guys. The gals will be having our partee this tuesday!! can't wait! come join k... ;D

#PART TWO: MALAM INTERAKSI/ INTERACTION NIGHT!
=> All seniors and juniors were involved in this. Was really nice, one look at the hall, you can already imagine how much work was put in. From the kolam, to the stage, to the lightings! Absolutely magnificent. Okay the not so nice part, My dance was the first dance performance! Crazy!! Freaky! Hahaha,,,but we got through it well.... okay i know you must be thinking, SHARMINI? Dancing? hahahahaha....i know but i'm done with it. So sorry if it was awful! hahahaha...i tried k.. unlike some :P!my pals said it was good, and cute..lol.. aisya thinks it was funny..she never saw me like dat before..ahahaha!! But i must say i enjoyed the dance la, the practice was fun. i met new people, and my choreographer, Senior Virus was cool too! Addition to that, i exercised! lol...am so into losing wieght now, but the right way k...no tablets, no chemicals! Okay, back to the function. The dances after mine was so great too. Loved all of 'em. Finally i thanked most of the seniors la, cause they made such a great event specially for us. Cheerz and Thanks to them!


~ Chapter Three : Life In Uni!~

* Life is not easy in university i must say, people tend to change with time. You just never seem to know who you should trust and who you shouldn't. People are always busy listening to what other people say about you, but they never seem to understand that in friendship, if you're not true to each other, then there is no friendship at all. But, i can't always say this, because as far as i'm concern that is my definition of friendship, just wonder whats theirs. I am vulnerable at times. I tend to be easily hurt by these things. But thank god i've got friends like Kalavathi, who always seems to think the same way as me. I'm always so thankful to God for making me meet her. She is such a good advisor and listener, and i'm ever so grateful to her. Thanks Kala!

* Besides that, i've my fair share of fun. hehehehe, recently wet to Queensbay Mall, just like another one utama, but One utama Rox! hahahaha, Thanks to Suren who was ever so nice to drive us all there, with a charge of RM 5 for petrol! Thanks Suren.

* Am ever so grateful to Subashini too, she always seems to have things that i dont! hahahaha, thanks for the choker set and all that i needed for Malam Interaksi.

* And finally thana, dont worry gal, am fine, she got so worried the other day when i was having fever. So cute la she.


Thats all for now peepzz, catch ya'll soon.


Cheerzzz!!!




ps: i'm missing my KL friends so badly!! Peepzz how are u all doing? Hope you're all doing well! Remember, there's always someone here who thinks of u! Dats definitly me! ;)

Sunday, August 12, 2007

things are getting tough...

back again this time, had to attend my cousin's 21st b'day. The party was great, met people i never thought i would meet, spoke to people i never thought i would get to speak to...ehmm... hahahaha... but it was good...his b'day cake was like a dirty indulgence alright....pure chocolate cake..with chocolate icing, and caramel...omg...so sweet yet so tempting!! but sadly, i had to stop at one piece, as it was too sweet...ahahaha...

worried abt exams, they;re coming up the week after next. Tension is mounting, just hope i do well.

otherwise, nuthin much... sorry la no mood la to blog.. :(

byezz

Sunday, August 05, 2007

August Updates!

~ came back this weekend-missing family too much :P
~ life is hectic, assignments, tests, notes, etc...killing me!!!
~ missing my pals too much, not bringing lappie back to penang anytime soon, so kenot chat...:(
~ just finished my variasiswa,some function where juniors must perform-i sang!& it didnt rain
~ have got 2 exams coming up in 2 weeks time! must study, study, Study, StUdY...STUDY!!
~ hope i can make it to my cousin's 21st b'day this coming saturday!! Woo Hoo...
~ Am going to perform in this Malam Interaksi by the indian society! Die...Dancing...i just can't!
~ Lab reports are killing me!Discussion questions are research questions. Library doesnt always help!
~ People in penang, so different. Well, so much more different than in kay elle...adapting to it...but aint gonna change!
~ This is the beginning of the 2nd month of semester 1, and am already half dead! HELP!
~ Hoping the best for Bro, SPM coming.
~ Hoping the best for sis too, UPSR!
~ Praying the best for everyone!
~ Need help especially when it comes to time management. Time flies! and my leacturer has finished 5 chapters! in a month!
~ Where am i? Just started a lil revision! Predict my state!
~ Wondering how my pals are doing? Ash i reli wanna see you b4 u leave! Hope to see you soon!! Kas is enjoying indon, good luck to kalai...and viwa, bare with kubang kerian k, everything will be fine. Nat i miss u so much, and sorry for not loading u with info abt me going to uni and all....RACH!! Hope sarawak is treating u well!! wanna c u soon too!! hmmm... dharry!!! Are you in india? Updates gal!!! Ezreena...how abt u? wats up?ok...i better stop...to the rest of u guys and gals whose names are not stated, trust me u mean a lot too me too ;P hope u are all doing well!!

gtg, leaving today at 12!

muaxx

Saturday, July 14, 2007

updates~

okay, i know its been 3 weeks plus since i actually wrote something here. Well i've been really busy with university and all. I left for Penang on the 29th of June, stayed one night with my family in the hotel, then the next day, checked into my hotel(hostel i mean:P). Was really happy to meet my roommate, really nice girl from Kulim Kedah(so near rite?). Her name is Thanaletchumi. She's doing SASPEN(Sastera Pendidikan). Was nice to meet her family all there, very warm and friendly people. Thank God i got a great roommate. Registration and all went well, thanks to the PPMS(senior students who help first yr students with registration and stuff), filled forms, got my room key, started unloading my things and all. Then that evening, we had a talk to attend and all, was interesting. I was really shocked with the size of the campus, its huge. Its like the university town! hahahahaha...so big and the only form of transportation within the campus is your dear legs! hahahaha...walked all around that place. Later than day, i met another girl, Subashini, who coincidentally was doing the same course as me. Hooray! Really nice girl, really bold but extrememly friendly.

And the unbelievable Kalavathi, who apparently is my friend's friend..lol...subash's friend. Really cool, down-to-earth human being!! Love her jokes, and love her warmth! You rock gal!!

The three gals that make my day in uni! And yeah, there are the other people who make my day equally interesting...hehehehe...ratna, rathi, subashini(reena), selestin, renukka, AISYAH!!, ashraff, suren, and ETC! lol...list is never ending, cause no matter where we are, when we bump into each other, there will always be smiles and hellos!

Orientation week was the tiring week of all...activities round the clock, was really tiring, but we got to know uni inside out, well at least the mere basics :D

Second week was rather calm compared to the first one, lectures started, so we were off to classes and all. Tutorial rooms, lectures theaters and all are like scattered all around the campus. Walked here and there, wow! But the climax of all was the ragging thing. OMG! SCARY! we were avoiding seniors like nobody's business. man, and guess what, this is going to go on for abt 2 months!! NOT 2 WEEKS BUT 2 MONTHS! i know, time flies, but when it comes to things like this, its not moving so fast afterall! Lectures are really serious la, so fast, we almost finished a chapter a day! scary, but true! Got loads of studying to do!

Besides that, am just home sick. Am back home rite now actually, but leaving again tomolo. Wont be back next week end either. But its good la, thanks to handphones, i can communicate wif my family often! love ya'll

dats all for now, gtg to aunt;s hse.

Take carezz

Friday, June 22, 2007

worries...within happiness and excitement

As you're all aware of, i got into University and i'll be doing Applied Science(Biotechnology). Am happy, and that has always been my favourite university, it was the place where my dad studied, and he completed his degree there, after i was born. I still remember, he took me on a tour around the campus, and as a child i told him, that one day i would be here, in this same university. Wallah, i'm going there. As soon as i got the results, my family were all so happy for me. It was important for them to see me go to the university. Happiness filled the environment. But, suddenly, my dad said,"Sharu, we'll really miss you". It striked me real hard. I;ve always been with my family, and there was never a time, we'd separate. We were always together. It was a rule in my house, that we must always sit and eat our meals together, especially dinner. We were never separated from that, and i must say up to today, i look forward for dinner, not for the food, but just for that friendly jovial conversation we always have during dinner. I will definitly miss those.

However, it is important for me to spread my wings and find my own way towards success. I have to start being independant, not only when it comes to handling things personally, but also to be able to stand strong on my two feet physically, emotionally, and psychology. I have to learn to stand up for myself. I have to be able to manage things for myself. I have to be independant! And that is why i am leaving.

I know to some, this might seem weird, and you might think i'm a spoil brat or sumthin, but the truth is that, i am not spoilt. I do all my chores myself, i handle things myself, but i always tend to turn back to my family and friends for support. And now, i have to stand alone, and i have to show the world, what "Sharmini" is all about.

Its going to be tough, yes! But its not impossible!

The toughest thing for me right now, is accepting the fact that i'll be separated from my family and friends for a certain period of time, which apparently might fly really fast!

To my family,

Thanks for all the support and guidance you;ve given me. Everything you showed, from the daily practise of life, to the obstacles of life, you have showed me with love. And that will be my guide towards succeeding my dreams. Yes, what is a family without ups and downs, but i must say i have learnt a lot from all these. Love never fades when it comes to family. I hope i'll make you proud.

To my friends,

Thanks for being such great friends. I;ve never thought in my entire life, my friends would make such a huge impact in my life. Now, i must admit, what would my life be without u all.. you are definitly the spice of my life. Thanks for all the support. I know, it sounds mushy and all..hahahah..but its hard, as we all have to go on our separate routes. I just hope what we have, lasts for ever.

Good luck in all your future undertakings.

Monday, June 18, 2007

sometimes, good things come in various ways

I am proud to say i'm officially going to university! yay! University Sains Malaysia, course: applied science...i'm going to major in biotechnology! ok..that news made my day! i've always wanted to go to USM!

I cant continue this post right now, lol...feeling too restless!! hahahaha...will update more soon.

ps: granny is doing fine..she's at my place now...am taking care of her!! hehehehe...good to c her mush better now, although she feels kinda bad and all...come on she's done so much for me... the help i'm providing is nothing compared to what she's done for me!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

My 101th blog entry!!

yea, that's right! i cant believe I've actually achieved this..100 entries...wow...i guess u all might know me well enough now...hahahaha...i'm growing up with this blog...and i must say, life has been really eventful, and I'm happy to say, these blog entries, do keep me on my feet. It reminds me of the sweet and joyful moments that occurred in my life, and it reminds me of those bitter and sad moments, just making me a little stronger than my usual self, day by day!

Lately, I've been writing a lot about an influential human being, a soul that has been in my life ever since birth, a person who has always been there, during the good and the bad, and a person who has been the role model to all of us, as a kind and loving human being. That is my grandmother. My love for her can;t be defined. It's so different. I can't explain the feeling i have for her. But i must say, that feeling makes me cherish her! And i will till then end of time!

My grandmother had a traumatic accident two days ago, causing her to fracture her thigh bone(femur), and after a 1 1/2 hr operation, her recovery is showing a positive response. In my earlier posts, i also included the other conditions that made the doctors unhappy, such as her lung infection. And I'm happy to say now that, test has been done, and the doctors are sure that the infection is just a minor one, and is being cured with antibiotics. Thanks for that, Thank you God! I'm happy for her, as she is well, all that she;s facing now, is a broken leg, which will be cured too, just might take some time.

You know that popular saying, "patience is a virtue". It really fits this context now. Patience is all that is needed for my grandmother to get back on her two feet.

God is great!

Thank you.

praying and hoping for the best...

last night, my grandmother had an operation, it took an hour and a half, and she was on epidural(where they numb the areas which will be operated, but the patient stays conscious and awake). Thw operation went well, but there were worries, my grandmother's osteoporosis has gotten worst, and the operation might not make her cure 100% as she used to be. According to the doctor, she will be able to get on her two leg, but not as long as last time, she cant put too much weight on her leg, and the recovery period will be long, at least 3/4 months, due to her age. Besides that, there were some concerns over her lung and all, which the doctors are treating with antibiotics and all. Besides that, the doctors think that she'll be fine, and that it just might take a little more time for her to heal completely.
she was in the ICU for about 12 hrs, after which she was transfered to the normal ward. I made 4 trips to the hospital today, once in the mornin to keep her company, once in the afternoon for lunch(i fed my granny, and it made me realise, how much it means to her when i spend time with her), then during dinner, and last before saying good night. The nurses have been really friendly and helpful.
all we do now is keep her company. we spend time with her, make her forget her porblems, but most importantly, we are trying to make her realise how much we love her, and that we;re here for her. We want her to understand that at this moment, nuthing means as much as seing her heal without sufferings. I hope and pray she'll be alright.
ps: rach, dont worry. My granny is fine. Thanks for ur concern. It makes me feel special, to have someone like you by my side. Hope to see you soon. Take care and thanks for being a great friend.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

everything is so unpredictable...

It was a weird night, was rolling all over the bed, thinking about the exciting things, as well as the worries of life, which i always tend to think at night, before i shut my eyes. There it was, something that told me life isnt going to be as good as it seems, i was worried, but as an optimistic human being, i ignored every guilt and worry that haunted me at that moment.

I woke up say around 5am, started rolling all over again on bed. Thinking about whata a wonderful day i might have at work, and how nice it would be to meet the aussie boss that i've heard so much about. Snap! and i woke up, rushed to the kitchen, and found my grandmother near the toilet, holding the door tight. I rushed to her, thinking of helping her up...and she just couldnt...i grabbed a chair, made her sit, and she said her leg is swolen, and that she couldnt bare the pain. The first thing that struck my confused head, was to take my grandmother to the hospital, but she couldnt move, all she could do is stay still on that chair. She was crying, not because of the pain, but she felt like burden, which i have never wanted her to feel! I kept telling her, what is the meaning of life, if i dont help the people who i love and care about deeply. We had our short moment, then i told her, the last thing we would want to do is to hurt her, and all i could ask her is for her to stay strong through out this whole process. My mother called my aunt, and told her what had happened, and my mum suggested to call the ambulance. My aunt agreed. We called the ambulance, and they came.

The flash of light when the ambulance arrived, hit me drastically. I've never pictured that at all. We had to carry my grandmother using a strecher. I helped them carry her to the ambulance. And then came the most chalenging part, "Is there anyone who is going to follow this lady to the hospital?" There i stood. My mum couldnt get into the van, as she is a polio patient herself, so i had to get into the ambulance. i was nervous, but i remembered, i am there for my grandmother, and there i was holding her hands through out the whole journey. They asked for her name, and all the details required. For a moment, i had to take actions that i;ve never actually done. I had to register my grandmother, then settle the ambulance stuff...that was tough i must say, as i was fragile at that point.

My grandmother has always been a strong and tough person. No one can stand that much of pain, without complaining. She did shed some tears, but never had she opened her mouth to complain. She is 70. To some that might be old, but honestly, when u look at what she does for us, you'll never believe her age. She took care of all 13 grandchildren, from birth till the age of 5. And now to see her bed ridden, with so much of pain, makes me wonder, why doesnt God help? Why doesnt he help people when they are in need? What sort of a torture is this?

My grandmother will be going for an operation today at 7pm. And all i'm wishing for at this moment, is for her to have the least amount of pain, and for her to stand on her two legs as soon as possible. And i hope,with God's kindness, my grandmother will be able to have a fast recovery. We hope and pray for the best! We all love you!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

appreciation...

Something we lack in this modern era. We tend to take every advantage that comes along out way, but we never seem to take a moment to thank those who helped us along the way. We walk in a lonely road, we worry about robbery and theft, but once we've passed that horrifying obstacle, we never seem to take a moment to thank God, for keeping us safe under his wings. Similarly, when a friend helps us, whether with homework or any other problems, we fail to show gratitude, we fail to make that helpful person realise how much they've helped us make our lives easier. Why is that?
What would this world be, if everyone took these good and kind hearted people for granted? What would these people feel, despite trying to help the needy? Why are we so dogmatic and never seem to understand what life is all about? Simple, why are we so self centered and selfish? Why won't we cherish the good things in life and be thankful?
Just questions, that we always seem to avoid, and seem to answer only based on the moral values we've learnt and not what we've practised as a human being. Sad, and devastating.
Take a moment to think. Take a moment to see your ability and what you can contribute to the world. If you can't contribute anything, then just take a moment to thank those who have contributed to your success and made your life more meaningful, as no one on this earth stands alone!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Everything ends in a blink of an eye..

As we grow up, we learn the definition of a few words, that will always be a guide for us, to enhance further our understanding of life. One of them is "trust". We grew up learning what trust is. In school, when a teacher elects you as a prefect, you know she trusts your ability to shine as a leader; when she gives you homework or assignments, she knows you are capable of completing it successfully. Similarly at home, when your parents have a meeting to attend, and the baby-sitter isn't around, they turn to you to take care of the younger sibling, and that is definitly because they trust your ability to do what has been instructed.

Slowly you realise, what is life without trust. We live in this country, with trust that the rulers will maintain peace and harmony. We buy food from a stall, trusting the cook to make a clean and delicious meal for us. Everything evolves around trust. What happens when the trust is lost?

We grew up trusting ourselves, remembering every obligation we have, and making sure we do what we have to do, and make decisions when we have to. But, at some point of time, we will start trusting others. Others in this context means a third party, an outsider, that has never been a part of out life ever since birth. Trusting a person can be difficult, it is never easy to trust someone we dont know head to toe about. But its never impossible. For some, it might take a month or two, whereas for other, it might take years.

When we trust that person, we share. We share everything that runs in our mind, we share our pain and sorrow, we share the sweet happy moments that we cherish, and the bitter moments we wish to forget. It builds with time. And when there is something wrong, we support and work together, as we have already built that trust. But, does this mean we should disclose the truth, does it mean we must ignore the mistakes and errors that have occured, just because we trust this person? Is it a crime to reveal the truth? Or is it just an ethic we have to practise?

And when we decide to reveal the truth, why does this trust disappear? Why does it end so fast? It takes years to build it, but a second to destroy it?

something to ponder about....

why trust fades....

Sunday, May 27, 2007

~*~HuRT DeeP iNSiDe~*~

I know, this isn't something new, i always relate my life to this, but isn't there a limit to everything? How long must i suffer with this? How long do i have to bite my teeth and just ignore these people and move on? Yes, i have to ignore, and move on. But how much can you ignore? In this sophisticated world, what people say and their comments actually do matter! From university application to job applications, everything requires a testimonial, or just comments from a third party who might know little about what is known as "your world". And the best part is that, whatever they say is the truth! Why is that?

We all have the same dream, but with different outcomes. We want success, but that depends on the individuals definition of success, Your success could be being a good and well known doctor, whereas my definition of success, could be just having a normal life...no worries, just a smooth going one. But, why does the world look at it in the wrong way. Nowadays, its nothing surprising, people judge each other by the amount of cash they have in their wallet, the number of credit cards they can afford, the amount in their bank account. Nothing new huh? But isnt there a better meaning to life?

I'm hurt! I know the intro seems really dramatic and all, but i'm hurt. I hate it when people take actions in their own hands, i hate people jumping to conclusions, when they know nothing about me...its sick! How come people never seem to appreciate? You know the saying ,"the more you give, the more you get", totally doesnt apply in this situation. I worked hard, pleased you in many ways, made sacrifices, and what i get are all negative responses. My effort is never appreciated, the sacrifices made are just worthless to you, basically you barely take note of what i've done. I care a damn about recognition, but please, making mean remarks isnt a good way of saying thanks!

Life is too chort to be spent this way, every step we take, has an impact that never can be deleted or removed. Whether good or bad, it makes us stronger, and that is what i;ve taken this bitter memories to be. Just another life lesson. A life lesson that will always be marked in me, as i'll never wnat to go through it again...

Let it just be another passing cloud.......

Memories~

I stepped into this world, always thought it was for the best. Going around, exploring this wonderful and dangerous world, i realise that i shape my world, i shape my life. Staying from a "papan" house to a brick house, experiencing life kampung style to life in the town, learning from A B C to making words and sentences...WOW! that's a progress alright! But i never grew internally. What i mean is i never actually knew what i'm capable of doing. I was living on this wonderful place without learning the little capabilities i have in me. I studies like everyone else, i did play and yea, life was without worries. But ever since i step foot in this special place, it was a new beginning for me. I met people know wanted to know me more than just knowing my name, I met people who helped me discover my inner self, I met people who were willing to give me a chance to express myself, whether good or bad, i've experienced it! Life earlier on was very predictable. Never stood out in the crowd, always had my own business to solve, never actually thought of my capability. But now, here i am standing strong with people who want to see me progress, want to see the “new” me, the bold girl who is willing to face the world!

Yesterday was a very memorable day for me. Mr. Latun gave us a treat at the “rotating” restaurant in KL Tower! It was so cool, it was my first visit to that well known tower. Yea, I was proud! It was such a nice place. There were plenty of food, and I loved the desert section best! Indulged in some chocolate fudge cake…yummy!! That made my day. It was so nice of him to spend so much on us. Never knew such dedicated and loving teachers our parents used to have actually exists in this rather dogmatic era! LOL…but yea it was good. Thanks Mr. Latun. Lol…doubt he reads my blog though! Hahahaha

Then we went to Berjaya Time Square. It was really nice and cold inside!! Lol..yea I guess that’s the disadvantage of wearing a skirt…u freeze! Hahahaha..but it was fun, we watched POTC….well it was okla..not that great..lol..okay we’re entitled to our own opinions! I still love the first one!! After the movie, we headed back home. Kasthuri was so nice, she actually sent me back home. So sweet of her. Thanks Kas!! I must say the ride home was good..lol..kalai’s laughter, chee guan’s brains which never seems to forget science, viwa’s “govinda govinda”, and kasthuri’s sudden shock driving..LOL…was really cool!!

Lovely day!! To all my pals and teachers out there…You don’t know how much u mean to me. I cherish every sweet memory that I’ve had with you. Thanks for accepting me the way I am. I hope this sweet bond between us lasts for eternity!

cheerzz

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

sadness haunts, even when we're laughing loud...

Sometimes i wonder, why good things come to an end. Happiness never seems to last long. Sadness sinks in faster than lightning at times. hmmm...

We have passion. We love. Thats what we do. But why does this passion and love fade away? What is it that we've forgotten? What was our wrong move? Why won't we accept things the way they are and move on? Are we destroying every little bits and pieces of our life, or are we just securing a much better life? Why are there repeated questions of whether or not what we're going through is worth it? Why is it that, a wrong move i make destroys everything?

Am scared of time, its just moving too fast. I'm losing behind....I dont think i can keep up with it!! Why does everything end just in a blink of an eye? I cherished those beautiful moments i had, and now I'm yearning for more. I am not satisfied. I want more.

Life is never easy, even Albest Einstein said it was hard. But how hard is it? Will it be any harder? How much harder must i work to achieve "a beautiful life"? Worries after worries, some necessary, some unnecessary, some just to keep our mind at peace
!


ps:
Teacher's day was good. Got to see my friends, and my lovely teacherz. I hope they like what we got them. Miss those beautiful days in school. Nothing beats that feeling and happiness we had! Love them all!! Muaxx...LOL

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!

Perpisahan- Anuar Zain

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama

Sering, kala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia


Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Kehilanganmu…
Masih tercari-cari…

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu


i know...i dont go for malay songs, but i dunno...can relate to this song somehow..hmmm...

some things, just can't be explained!

Lately, things have been pretty weird! Everything seems to be really different, and i don't know why, whether its good or bad, i'm accepting it the way it is, and just moving on. Okay, serious check! I'm never like that. I always stop and complain. I never accept things as they are, i always question! I asked a few people about it, and i must say the response i got were so similar, and it was " you're getting matured, You've understood the cycle of life, and that somethings are just meant to be accepted the way they are". Okay..i know so weird! I'm only freaking 20..dont talk to me abt being matured and all..hahahahaha..(Its just me not accepting the fact that indirectly they're talking abt my age!!)

Life is never easy, every head turn, just brings you closer to a new problem. My parents think that i'm always so close to what i want, but i just lack luck. Whether we like it or not, we never seem to realise that there is such a thing as luck. Whether we want to accept it or not, life on earth is mere luck! You plan ur future, you take all the necessary steps, but sumtimes some things are just out of ur control! Why is that? Regrets after regrets, we only wish for a small amount of luck, enough luck to push us through all the obstacles we're facing, whether exams, interview, etc.

As much as we love learning, we must pay tribute to those who actually made us learn, those who actually thought us what learning is all about, what the mind is, wow!! the tribute goes to out great teachers! well, i know its kinda weird, from life stories to teachers? what the heck? well its just me, my mind is never in one place!! wondering mind ;P hahahaha..well am pretty excited to go to school tomorrow after so long!! they're celebrating teacher's day tomorrow1! miss that sweet environment! ahahahaha...nuthing beats school life! Well, i'll never be here without them! the credit goes to them!

c ya!

Monday, May 21, 2007

the beauty of relationships~

Okay, i know the title kinda gives the wrong impression. What i meant was the relationship between siblings, the relationship between my brother and I. Today my parents were out for some dinner, they're meeting up an old friend who just came down from Kuantan, Pahang...ye my lovely hometown! Well, so that left me and my brother at home....with my mum's Kelisa! Hahaha...are you thinking what i'm thinking? yea...we did take the opportunity to hang out together...isnt that classic! Well yea, we had dinner together...KFC!..lol..dunno why but all of a sudden, he was damn nice to me..lol..helping me la.. telling me how nice i am and all to spend time with him..lol...ok....so we had dinner, then we came back... we took our bath..then we went out again..lol...this time to one utama...went there for ice cream...baskin robbins!! lol...we took a scoop each...and drove all around taman tun and damansara perdana area..lol...driving, eating, blasting the radio, talking..lol...we actually did share sum secretzzz!!! can u believe dat? omg..it was weird! i never tell him stuff..coz at the end of the day it'll all come out! but this time he shared with me things that i never knew...ok..i know it is weird..but it did happen..lol!! it was fun la...i needed a day out so badly...and he made my day!! hahahahaha.,... hope he;s not reading this...lol..or not he'll just be floating rite now!!

otherwise, the day was pretty boring, was online, had a chat with sum of my frenzzz, and lydia got me jelly beans!!! omg...i've been craving for those like for so long!!! jelly beans...here i come!!

although the day was pretty eventful, deep inside me, i had a little sadness, as i was going through my files, cleaning up the documents, and defragmenting my lappie, i came across some pictures, my class picture (U6S1) and OB Night pix...wow...was reli good... am really missing school!! Really looking forward to this saturday!! meeting up with pals and classmates!! hope we have a great time at the luncheon!! love that name! BUFFET LUNCHEON! so sweet of mr.latun!

i miss school!! i wanna reunite!! i wanna hang out!!! come lets lepak ppl!! lets lepak b4 we all walk away to our different paths!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

CRaZY BLoGGeR~

okies..i know its been a while since i updated this blog..lol..ok..kasthuri already warning me d..lol...

Well, life has been pretty eventful lately. From mother's day, to work, to accounts classes, to hospital appointments, to 'lepaking' online after about 6 days of no chatting/blogging/friendstering...due to the stupid lightning that had to strike my modem, thus causing six days of life without the internet. LOL...sounds so dramatic, well that how life is without the internet, especially for people like me who depend on it so much!! :P okay, i can live without internet k...dont jump to conclusions!!
Whether we realise it or not, sometimes an eventful day is pretty good...not only do you use ur brains to the max, you also get a good amount of sleep at the end of the day..lol! Working actually opened up my eyes, i got to see how family can be when it comes to work:P hahahaha...i also experience office politics, which isnt as great as it sounds...and yea there are the clients, and all. Working for a company is like so different, with loads of deadlines, complaints, and misunderstanding.LOL...and guess wat i get orders from aussie..so its like we gotta communicate with him thru emails...haih..and australians just have problems with grammar..lol....their emails, are just terrible!! lol...
Lately i've been thinking a lot about school. I'm missing it even more right now. I miss those little chatters between friends, the gossips..(lol, yea we do gossip), the good talk and bad talk...the friendly smiles between friends, the jokes we had with some of the teachers, and the stress, and depression..lol..i know it was bad...but look back at it now, wasn't it all worth it? All the struggle, all the heartache, all the negative feedback...it finally paid off! I miss everyone...common peepzz...its the time to reunite!! coz after this, we're all be going on our own path...our own road towards success!! Wouldn't it be good if the whole school could just reunite for a day? awww...i reli want that!!
Currently, am addicted to grey's anatomy, and i think they're startin a new season of One Tree Hill...desperate housewives are okla..but nuthin like the first season. hmm...heroes is kinda cool too, so is prison break, but cant quite follow those two shows...lol...maybe sometime soon..
my mind is wondering! Milo ice by my side, and two chapatis in my stomach, wow...i'm full! Love simple dinnerz!!
Can't wait for this saturday!! lunch/tea with Mr. Latun. LOL...its a date alrite...i just confirmed with him dat i'll be attending the function. Can't wait, he was one of the best teacher we had... we used to joke in class, and to be honest, he never stressed us out, but some how or another, we actually make it a point to complete his work in time, wait!! this is weird...he must be using sum spell...lol..he never forced anyone..but yet we did it in time...why ar? lol... Those were the days....i hated colouring the graphs and all..lol...hahahahahaha...thanks to him i got an A...
Confused at the moment, going for a dinner tomolo...dunno wat to wear...i've just messed up my closet! lol...we all know, when there's a mess, there is cleaning up to do too... man...if only cleaning up was as easy as messing it up...lol!! crappy
dats all for now...i'm feeling normal today...no heartache/depression/sadness...lol..ok..i think i'm happy...but i'm not sure why...hmmm....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

heartbroken alrite..lol




Your Birthdate: April 29



You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move.

It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone.

Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache.



Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3



Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5



You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.

everlasting?

There she stood by the window, waiting for his arrival. She has been feeling really low lately, thinking a lot about her relationship. Everything seemed so faint...she couldn't remember the last time she cuddled in his arms. Sudden glimpse on her past, when "love was in the air", all the cuddling that kept her warm, all the kisses that brought smiles on her face, all the support she got from him, physically and mentally. She missed all those. But she stayed strong. She stood by the window, looking out, finding for her man. She seemed anxious, she looked high and low, he wasn't there. Her face showed disappointment. She was determined that her love will come, will come to her. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee, sat comfortably in her velvet sofa. As she sipped her coffee, she was smiling. They were walking along the streets of Kuala Lumpur. It was a night of sharing. They talked, discussed, and discovered each other inside out. From the bad habits, to the likes and dislikes. They walked and talked. It was the time she enjoyed most, and that was when she realised how special he is, and how much she'd love to lean over his arms. She wanted a man, a man who could stand by her, a man who trusted her, and knew what she wanted. She never loved him for his money. nor his job, not even for gifts, chocolates, flowers, etc. All she wanted was a person to stand by her back, to celebrate when she's happy and to have her back when she falls. That was the day she decided, that he would be her man. That was their first date together. "Knock" "Knock", it was the door. she rushed and opened it, praying hard it was him. As soon as she saw him, she smiled, welcoming him into the house. he never bothered looking at her face, she was sad, but she made herself understand, that he was tired, and that he needed a break. She kept her smile, taking his coat, serving him a glass of water to quench is thirst. She made him dinner, but he declined. She tried being a little forceful about having dinner, he snapped and left the room. She was dissappointed once again, but she kept on smiling. As he was about to hit the bed, she approached him, asking him how was work and all, hoping to get a little attention that she's been waiting for ever since the day started. All he did was nod his head, and asked her to leave him, he wanted to sleep. She gave him another smile, tucked him to bed, and wished him good night. She left the room, and started tearing. It was their aniversary. She went to the kitchen, blew out the candles she used to decorate the kitchen, hoping to create a romantic environment, and she started throwing away all the food she had been preparing the night before. As she pushed the food prepared into the rubish bin, she remembered, she has been going through the same pain for the past 5 years, and they have been together for 6 yrs. All she could do is cry, and look at herself. She always blamed herself, she always told herself, dat the man she loves deserves someone much better than her, and she sumtimes feel so disgusted with herself. She cleared the dining table, and decided to hit the bed. She entered the room once again, there he was, the man she loves, lying on the bed, fast asleep. she washed her legs, and lied beside him. She whispered to his ears, "Happy Aniversary". She also whispered how much she loves him, and that she feels sad that he has lost all the interest he once had for her. Then she turned the other side, and closed her eyes.

The next morning, he found her lifeless on bed. She died.


Question: Is it love or lust?

Question: Is love actually everlasting?

Question: Why do we always blame ourselves?

Questions: Is this the meaning of life?

Just questions, without answers......

Believe in yourself, and love yourself, there is no one who can love u as much as u love yourself.

Monday, May 07, 2007

strength to live....how to build that?

i went for a funeral yesterday. Funeral, a word we all fear whether we believe in God or not. Everything seems so black and sad, from the environment, to the people, to the plants. At that moment, it feels like the whole world is mourning. There i stood, curious, observing the procession, listening to the mantras, and i started chanting myself. There i stood praying for the best for everyone, especially for a friend of mine who has lost his source for comfort and guidance, his dear grandfather. This friend of mine lost his dad about 9 years ago, when he was in std. 5. His family was a very happy one, always so bubbly, we were very close to each other. we all used to meet up( his family and mine) and most of the time, we'd meet up for durian, cause his mum used to be the best "durian opener". When he lost his father, when his father who was a dear friend to my dad passed away, their grandfather was their source of comfort. He taught them, he loved them, he was like a dad to them. He was always there for them. It was hard, I could see it on his face, sadness, he lost both, a dear father and a grandfather. I caught a glimpse of him, he was strong, he stood strong, helping around to fulfill every need during the prayers and all, but he did break down when his grandfather was escorted into a van, that would take that innocent man's body to the crematorium. Looking at them cry, and letting that great man leave, hit me for a second, as to how much they're suffering with the loss.

Well to this great friend of mine and his family, i'm sorry for your lost. This is the cycle of life and i hope you'll all stay strong as this is just another hurdle we'll have to face in life!

stay strong my dear friend.